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My first marriage lasted 6 years officially. Unofficially it was over in 2. We stuck around because we didn't know what else to do. She provided me the catalyst I needed to get off my ass by cheating.
I found the proceedings to be the easiest part of the process - mainly because we were both so broke we had nothing to fight over. The hardest part was the emotional burden of it all. I have to admit by the time we finally split I no longer loved her, but it was still emotional because so much of my life to that point had been devoted to her. I didn't date for a long time aftewards but I did find that once it was over, the feeling of freedom I got was almost overwhelming. I felt that I had gotten my life back. The decision to not date was mostly a conscious one because I decided to focus a lot of my new time on myself and doing what I wanted to do. I gained a whole new circle of friends and had the best 2 years of my life up to that point.
I just started going out and doing things on my own. It wasn't easy to do because for so many years we were always a couple and did everything together - even during the unhappy years, we still were together all the time. Doing things on my own was liberating. Strangely enough, doing things on my own gave me enough of a confidence boost that I was able to make friends quickly.
Pan, I hope things are going well for you now and 5757, the best thing to do is to put yourself out there, regardless of how difficult it is. Do not allow yourself to wallow in whatever sadness you may feel. It's okay to feel loss, but don't allow it to define you. Use the time to focus on what YOU want. Be selfish for a while. Spoil yourself for awhile.
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"I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses
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