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Originally Posted by pigglet
.I am more interested in the discussion concerning whether or not a much more muted reaction akin to the one in this case, is natural and understandable.
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I don't think anyone is saying that someone doesn't have the right to feel upset at things that are hard for them to process, or are dissapointing, or unsettling. My point has been that we constantly assume that "freaking out" for lack of a better word is the correct response to this situation. For someone who finds themselves at that point, and who doesn't know what to do, they might take those cultural images to help shape their reaction. If they think they have to defend their heterosexuality by flipping out.... what do you think they might do?
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Well, I don't think that whether or not there was actual dating or just casual sexual interaction is really the point...I think that's a whole different discussion. Sure, none of what happened sounds like the best idea...and everyone in this thing was asking to be in a clusterfuck situation, start to finish. But it's not completely random if you're only targeting half the population based on gender. As I said, there's no way to condone what these bastards did, and I'm not trying to defend them in any way. I'm simply curious about the position that seems to be emerging that the biological facts of this person's gender has no relation to actual gender, or how sexual interactions with her would be perceived.
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It's entirely the point. This is the kind of information one deserves to explore in the context of a trusting relationship. If you go by appearances only, then that's the only information that determines who you end up with. Appearances do not always accurately reflect natal gender.
I don't mean this as a bogeyman...sleep around, and someday this will happen to you. I'm just trying to get at what a big honking deal we do and don't make about sex. Sex is casual, and you can have it with anyone who looks hot. Sex is serious, and if you are intimate with someone who has a dick, you're gay forever. That social disconnection on how we imagine sex is the problem here. We want sex to be casual in many ways...but we can't seem to let go of some of these problems. What starts out as some sex suddenly gets cast as a life altering and idenity shattering trauma. No wonder people choose not to reveal gender transitions. Society still collectively flips shit.