To respond to a few random things here:
- It's NEVER too early to teach manners. My daughter is 2 1/2 and she has had to say "please" and "thank you" ever since she could talk. Parents who wait until kids are 5 or 6 to teach this will find themselves in a deep hole. Same goes with table manners, screaming, etc.
- Simply not responding to whining, while taking a great deal of patience, works. The only time we don't really push it with my daughter is if she's really tired. At that point, you just get her in a quiet place and let her relax. Discipline isn't going to sink in when she's in that state.
- It helps to have the grandparents on the same page as you. When we're over at my folks' house, my daughter can get a "no" from my wife and I, and when she naturally turns to try my parents, they tell her the same thing. Make sure no one is enabling the bad behavior. If they are, you have to have a talk with them, no matter how contentious that may turn out.
- When your kid DOES say things politely and behaves without being asked, be sure to positively reinforce that, especially if it's shortly after you've had a confrontation. "Thank you so much for asking nicely!"
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"You can't shoot a country until it becomes a democracy." - Willravel
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