This is SUCH a good question Zephyer. I actually read this post two days ago -- and wanted badly to reply, but I didn't. In this case, it wasn't SAD.. it was just that I didn't know how best to write out my thoughts; I decided to think about it for a little while. I saw it today, and remembered to post.. when my thoughts are much more clear.
As someone diagnosed with "SAD," be very careful what you decide is a SAD tendency and what is a NORMAL tendency. As much as normal is subjective, there are certain things that most people do and they are
perfectly acceptable behaviors.
Being hesitant to post until I knew more clearly what I wanted to say -- that's NORMAL. It wasnt that I was so overly anxious to post that I was afraid, I just wanted to be clear. You can have this feeling and not be SAD. Likewise, a "symptom" of SAD is rehearsing what you say on a telephone. Contacting someone you don't know, about something you're not happy about, NOT in person (over the phone)
should bring anxiety. Most outgoing people are comfortable reading the conversation and adapting as you go, but they've still got a basic idea in their head about what they're going to say. That, again, is a perfectly normal human behavior. Unless its severely detracting from your life, it's likely a very normal anxious response. Anxiety is good -- it reminds us that we should think before we speak, we should think before we act -- those sorts of
good things. It reminds us that we have things to do and principles we believe in. That we should at lease filter our language a
little bit if we don't want to risk offending others. If I didn't feel the basic level of anxiety brought on by offending others, I'd walk around calling everyone flaming faggots and pussy-whipped assholes. Would that be a good thing? I think not! I'd never spell check my work (who cares what other people think) and I'd never use capitalization or punctuation. I'm sure you've met the people who say "fuck the world".. but I have a feeling you aren't that person (nor do you wish to be). So be anxious.. just don't be unrealistic.
Now -- if you'd asked me three years ago if I thought my SAD diagnosis was true and that I was overly shy -- I'd have answered with a resounding "YES!!! HELP ME!!!"
Now ? I'm one of the more outgoing people I know- so what was my cure?
Booze. I
certainly don't advocate you drinking to solve your problem, but it worked for me. Being just as leery as you are about poppin' pills, I decided to just let SAD run its course. This was senior year of high school, and I didn't like the stigma of pyschological "treatment" -- nor do I now. So-- off to college I went.. the ugly introvert. I had horrible acne, and becuase of that I figured that any girl (or person) I approached would immediately discount my ideas. I figured it was like being approached by a dirty bum on the street -- everything they say is like "...ewww..."
Well.. coming to college was an interesting eye-opener when it came to this. With the recession of my acne and my increased drinking, I came to realize that people more genuinely appreciated my knowledge and insight then what I looked like. Everytime I got drunk I wandered the dorms, or the party, or wherever I was. Through my drunken eyes, it looked like everyone was just watching me, and WANTED me to come talk to them. I was blessed with a very outgoing roommate who prodded me over and over to come out with him, and it was a very good thing. The more often I went to a party, and the more often I drank -- the more I realized everyone was alike. No one feels completely comfortable with 40 other people in a quiet room with nothing to do. So they drink, and they play games. I began to realize that anxiety is a normal function of humans.. we're really not comfortable with the unknown. The unknown is everything.. new places, new people, new conversations. Once I realized that everyone was just as scared as I was, it started to go away. It's very difficult to describe "how" it felt, but it felt like a general acceptance of people around me. I went from my 10 high school friends to my 50 college acquiantances. As I got more comfortable with myself, I lowered the tension in the air - they therefore got more comfortable with me. It's a difficult thing to self-medicate and self-therapy-ize.. but it worked for me.
So -- in conclusion to my rambling story -- You may need therapy, and its certainly an easier route then trying to learn it yourself. I learned that I had no reason to be SO anxious, and that a minimum level of anxiety was normal.
The most important point of all of this is that you should NOT expect it to be a fast process. It took me almost two years to come out of my shell, but boy.. was it worth it. If you're as anxious as you claim, and you work on deconstructing these "silly" anxities long enough.. it might just go away. Don't expect it to be an overnight fix, where you wake up one day and are suddenly Mr. Outgoing.. even with the pills, I don't think you'll ever feel that way if your brain is still telling you the wrong things. So.. you can do it, but don't expect it immediately.
