First off, hun, if you happen to stumble across this, please respect my privacy and treat this as you would a diary of mine...
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The only reason I'm posting here is because I've thought this through back and fourth endless times while in different moods and still can't make a decision. The only thing I have done to resolve it is "give it time" and I'm not sure if I'm ok with that right now. I'm in need of some outside, unbiased advice.
Let me get some facts straight first.
-22 year old male
-attending a great little private school in san diego
-been in many relationships. most have been long term but I don't have trouble with fun flings.
-been with current girlfriend for two years
-broke up with my last gfriend of two years to be with this one (so four years unsingle...)
I basically have two things going on. I'd call them problems but they aren't really, just things that I wouldn't notice normally but I've been in past relationships and I'm now aware they're happening.
For starters, I'm very into my girlfriend, and I'm experiencing the common "I love this person but should I be experiencing other things?" question. I live a somewhat specific lifestyle being an artist/introvert and she adapts to this very well. We share the same humor (we're usually found laughing together...), same taste in film, she loves who I am as a person, she comforts me, I encourage her and her developing acting/modeling, she's very welcoming to my fetish sexual desires, the list goes on. She really does feel like a dream girl. I could easily see myself spending a long time with this girl. Sometimes I catch myself thinking I'm older than I really am though. I enjoy staying in on weekend evenings but usually get pulled out by my great party friends. I'm wondering if this natural desire to settle down is something I should fight even though it's so...natural...
So here's where the problem comes from. In my past, I've tended to not break up with girlfriends until something better came along (this has only happened a few times...) I live alone right now and while I'm enjoying life in the somewhat slow lane, I'm afraid that at this rate time will just casually pass on by and I'll wind up marrying this girl. As I said before, I'm not against that, but I'm growing more and more aware of the time passing by and I'm wondering if I should do something about it. The tempting thing here is that "doing something about it" would be extremely easy as I'm currently studying at a college with about a 60/40 girl to guy ratio... I don't have many desires to do so as I'd just be out looking for a girl like the one I have, but am I missing out on something? A new lifestyle is in very close grasp, and I'm not really feeling the pull towards it, but should I hop on the boat or are these selfish thoughts? I'm feeling this whole "I wish we could separate and get back together in a year without things being different" emotion but that doesn't seem rational
That's basically the main sum of mixed ideas I have as far as love life goes. The ones regarding lifestyle aren't as important, but they kind of go hand in hand with the prior. I'm living alone right now in a studio. I've got a best friend in the area and my girlfriend. I've got a few people I've met here and there over the past year but all in all my computer is my best friend. Like before, a new lifestyle is very close in reach and while I think that change is always good, it's still scary. I'm considering moving on campus to be in closer reach to meeting new people, but I could also move in with a friend closer to school, join a frat, and go a more grown-up route. I guess I don't really have a question about this, but like I said, these will definitely affect my current relationship with my girlfriend as well as the potential of meeting new girls..
I really appreciate if you've made it this far. I know my thoughts are unorganized and conflicting, I guess maybe I'm looking for some personal ideas on priorities, responsibilities, past experiences, etc. I could make a decision on my own but I hate regrets and the last thing I'd want is to lose this girl from a selfish mistake. Thanks again for any thoughts guys.
-T