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Originally Posted by J.R.V.A.
I am wondering if I should go back and rewrite it, using better grammer and sentance endings, or leave it and use it as an example as I write more, maybe to compare...anyway, thanks agin for the comments
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I think you should. The story was compelling enough to make me continue, but needs some improvements on structure. The paragraph where you write about your dad being cut off could use re-structuring around the quote, like, "Idiot", cursed my father as a car cut us off.
I liked the narrative. That's why I think you should develop it into something more, something stronger.