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sexymama · 09-11-2005, 09:18 PM

I think I'll add just a couple of notes to Lebell's comments. First, you (as you know) can not control other people -- only yourself. So, tell your daughter what you are doing and do it. "The car is leaving for Hardy's in 15 minutes." In 15 minutes get in the car and leave (assuming dad's home.) If dad isn't home, walk her out the door. No socks? Her feet won't fall off between the car and the door. She gets cold feet once or twice and she'll be ready.
When she whines, simply respond, "I don't listen to whining" and walk away! Do not respond until she talks politely.

I also like the one liner, "good try." When my daughters were two and four they would beg for things. I would answer, "good try." And leave it at that. One day the four-year-old whines for icecream. I drive by the icecream parlor and the two-year-old says, "good try." The four year old looks at her sister and says, "your not the mother!" I knew then the message is loud and clear! Mom will not be manipulated by whining or begging.

The key to any of the one liners (good try, I'm sorry, no problem) is to say it nicely and not sound sarcastic or mean! You do not want to be the bad guy, just the person not owning the child's problem.

Fyi, the 9 year old mentioned in Lebell's story did not whine at me about being hungry. We had a resonable conversation (Lebell was gone by then.) and she chose to eat the eggs and toast (which was what was served for dinner) rather than go hungry. However, when it came to dessert she had the choice of fruits only, no sweets. Never give in to whining or they'll whine even more! This solution worked because we didn't give in to the whining.

09-11-2005, 09:18 PM	#12 (permalink)
sexymama My own person -- his by choice Location: Lebell's arms	I think I'll add just a couple of notes to Lebell's comments. First, you (as you know) can not control other people -- only yourself. So, tell your daughter what you are doing and do it. "The car is leaving for Hardy's in 15 minutes." In 15 minutes get in the car and leave (assuming dad's home.) If dad isn't home, walk her out the door. No socks? Her feet won't fall off between the car and the door. She gets cold feet once or twice and she'll be ready. When she whines, simply respond, "I don't listen to whining" and walk away! Do not respond until she talks politely. I also like the one liner, "good try." When my daughters were two and four they would beg for things. I would answer, "good try." And leave it at that. One day the four-year-old whines for icecream. I drive by the icecream parlor and the two-year-old says, "good try." The four year old looks at her sister and says, "your not the mother!" I knew then the message is loud and clear! Mom will not be manipulated by whining or begging. The key to any of the one liners (good try, I'm sorry, no problem) is to say it nicely and not sound sarcastic or mean! You do not want to be the bad guy, just the person not owning the child's problem. Fyi, the 9 year old mentioned in Lebell's story did not whine at me about being hungry. We had a resonable conversation (Lebell was gone by then.) and she chose to eat the eggs and toast (which was what was served for dinner) rather than go hungry. However, when it came to dessert she had the choice of fruits only, no sweets. Never give in to whining or they'll whine even more! This solution worked because we didn't give in to the whining. __________________ If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.