Tec, I think that erotica is one of the toughest things to write. I have been trying to dabble in it myself. I also have been reading Anais Nin for a couple of years to try to mimic her style.
NG, made some good comments. While metaphors are important, you don't want to over use them. Another thing that I have found is that creating a strong visual is important.
This paragraph:
Quote:
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Originally Posted by tecoyah
Scented with a fruit exotic, she plays delicately with strands of hair, dark and long, still damp from natures pouring wetness. This subtle gesture, seemingly innocent belies an invitation I well know, and imagine frequently in times of quiet pleasure my mind allows. My gaze seems drawn to the shades of cream at her neckline, the delicate bones under muscles I will soon touch with eager lips. Breath forming the small goosebumps of her body reacting, anticipating.
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is a good beginning. The first sentence could be ...still damp from the summer storm. Since you used such a strong phrase at the beginning. I like the sentence about the neckline however, the part about the bones and muscles seems a little harsh for erotica imo, I think that you need soften it a bit. The skin under a delicate sheer top that I will soon touch with my eager lips. Or something along those lines.
Now, the last sentence discussing the touch and kiss exploration is wonderful! Very good.
I'm sorry if I sounded harsh with my comments. You are farther than I am in my exploration with erotica writing. I will look forward to your next draft.