One last note.
I talked with Grace and Sissy about this.
Grace is with those who think I should have clocked the guy. It's an old argument with us.
Sissy, who of late has been attending Al-Anon (a support group for adult children of alcoholics) thinks I'm "co-dependant" and Grace is my "enabler". I fail to see how depending upon others for support when they are willing to offer that support is a bad thing, and Grace offering me physical protection is hardly comperable to alcoholism.
They both think it's strange that I have little trouble controlling 25 middle-schoolers or running a college classroom, but no self-confidence in public places with strangers. The difference seems pretty obvious to me.
As a teacher, I'm granted an automatic measure of authority that isn't present when I'm say, at the mall. I have the power to potentially ruin or make a student's day, a power I don't have in other situations. I have borrowed authority in the form of the principal/department head. That's also not present in everyday situations. There's no way to translate the self-confidence I have in the classroom in either place into other situations.
I have a lot to talk to my therapist about tomorrow.
Thank you everyone for the feedback. It is very much appreciated, and it makes me feel better just being able to explore my thoughts and feelings here. Even if it doesn't actually make the situation any better, it has helped me to feel better, and to understand, at least a little bit, how the guy knew to target me.
However I still think that for me, the better solution is simply to stay off thier radar than to try to put up a facade of confidence I don't actually feel. You can't hit a target that stays out of range.
Gilda
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I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that.
~Steven Colbert
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