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Originally Posted by guthmund
Only if it gets physical. It's the build up, it's the first few moments before the attacker settles on his course of action that are the most important. Just take a look at animals in the wild. The hair on a dog's back will rise, cats lay back their ears, bears will stand up on their hind legs and rattlesnakes...well, rattle, all in an attempt to get someone/something to leave them alone.
The point I'm trying to make is that you don't actually have to be physically intimidating to be intimidating. It's body position, stance, mannerisms. The guy who groped you had no idea if you could actually kick the dog snot out of him or not. Your mannerisms told him it wasn't likely and he played the odds.
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My mannerisms merely reflect the truth. I'm no threat to a guy that size. If knowing that is reflected in my mannerisms, then there's not a whole lot I can do about that, as I can't just decide to disregard those facts. Regardless of how I behaved, one look at me would have told him I'm substantially smaller and weaker than he is. I was wearing a sleeveless top.
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I hate to keep harping on this, but it's very important. I used to be a jack-of-all-trades (painting, fixing things, lawnwork, etc...) at a woman's shelter. Sometimes I think I've heard all the horrible stories a person can stand to hear in one lifetime. I'd hate to hear another one.
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Well, that's really apples and oranges, but I get your point, and I agree.
Rather than learn to project an artificial attitude, I just don't put myself in risky situations. Being able to project that attitude my reduce the chance of becoming a victim, but not being in the situation in the first place eliminates it entirely.
I don't go to late movies alone. I've missed midnight premieres when Grace wasn't available to go with me. When I grocery shop late at night I have someone carry and load my groceries for me. If it's dark when I'm done at the gym, I request an escort to my car. I don't go to convenience stores at night. I pair up with Grace or Sissy whenever I can. I actively avoid any situation that looks or feels dangerous, and take my protection (Grace) with me whenever possible.
My mistake here was that I considered this a safe place because it was a well lit storefront in the mall and it was daylight hours. I now know better and will avoid it. Problem solved.
If the only solutions is to prepare myself for a violent confrontation every time I'm out in public, then I'd much rather not. The whole purpose of going to the hobby store was to have fun. Going in there prepared for a violent confrontation might have scared the guy off, or might not have, but it certainly would have sucked all of the fun out of the situation, which would have defeated the purpose of going there in the first place. I'd rather just enjoy myself.
Gilda