Gilda

Many people have been suggesting taking martial arts classes.

That is something that I've tried and it was a complete bust. Grace, as I said, is a highly skilled martial artist, and tried to teach me some things, but her teaching me isn't something that tends to work well, whether it's parallel parking or martial arts or any of the other dozen things she does better than I do.

I tried a class with her sensei, but that didn't work either. In theory it helps to build self-confidence and self-esteem, but in practice it involves hitting and eventually being hit, throwing others to the ground and being thrown, and I do not want to be involved in that on either side of the equation.

As to why I don't just look the guys in the eye and say "Hi" more often, it's complicated, and I'm not sure why I do it sometimes and not others. It depends upon how threatening the guy seems; the more threatening, the longer I wait, the less likely I am to do it.

I think mostly, as a defense mechanism, walking away is much easier, as it doesn't involve challenging someone who is almost always bigger and stronger than I am, to whom I post no physical threat. It depends on where I am that day and that particular time, and whether I'm with someone or there's someone I know nearby. And there is no way I'm going to hit someone that much bigger and stronger than I am. I know from experience that challenging someone physically when you cannot back that up is just asking to get hurt, and I'd much rather deal with having been a little intimidated than with having been a little intimidated and having gotten hurt physically. Better safe with a little regret than hurt with a lot of regret. Getting the guy in trouble isn't worth getting hurt. It isn't always the same guy, so challenging guy A isn't going to prevent the next guy from grabbing my ass.

I know that this probably doesn't make sense logically, but that's how it feells. I generally avoid confrontation and conflict whenever possible, avoid risk. I stay in my comfort zone. I know that's not how many people would like to live their lives, but it works for me. I spend much of my teens and early 20's taking chances and believe me, playing it safe is much better, at least for me.

I'll have to actively ready my "Hello" defense when I'm out on my own. Having to think defensively, though, takes a lot of the enjoyment out of the situation. You get the anxiety of the potential encounter, even if one doesn't occur.

I think this is why I tend to stay at home when Grace can't come with me. When she's with me, I don't have to concern myself with safety, as I know she'll take care of that. Sissy thinks I rely on Grace too much, but she understimates her. Grace really doesn't mind being there for me in that way, or if she does, she's never shown it.

One of the stupid aspects of this is that Sissy feels guilty for having deserted me that day, which is ridiculous. It isn't like she'd have gone into the hobby shop with me anyway. That place creeps her out.

Anyway, thank you all for the feedback.

I know I need to be more assertive. I remember watching a tv show with my dad about 10 or 15 years ago with a couple of big boxers. Sugar Ray Robinson was fighting some really intimidating guy named Marvin something. The sportscaster, a guy named Larry Merchant (his name I can remember, but the other boxer, no; weird how memory works isn't it) interviewed Sugar Ray, who was a big underdog, and who said he knew exactly how to beat Marvin. After the interview, Merchant was talking to another guy and the other guy said (paraphrased, "Sure, he knows how to beat Marvin. I know how to beat him, too. Everyone knows how to do it, but knowing and doing are two very different things."*

I know that being more assertive would help me in that particular situation, but knowing this doesn't always help me do it. Sometimes, but not always. Thank you for your feedback. Sometimes it just helps to vent.

Gilda

*We watched the fight and the Sugar Ray guy showboated and danced around while Marvin beat him to a pulp, and Sugar Ray won the fight. I really don't understand boxing.

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