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Now that I have taken that cold shower and filled my head with Marx Brothers quotes....
It seemed as if you started off with a multitude of metaphors, then, either because they weren't necessary or you realized their frequency, they became less used- a good thing.
Also, something to keep in mind, although the flow really wasn't bad(no pun intended). One of my earliest learnings in the art of writing was the wave of sentences' syllabic structure, ie: 3,10, 17, 17, 10, 3. Too many long sentences together loses the reader, too many short ones and it sounds like a list. That too, seemed like you had realized that and corrected as you went. Although it could also be that once you began writing, you centered on it enough to forego conscious efforts and let the natural feeling for it take over. Many times we try so hard to be creative, we lose the inherent naturalness of we want to convey. That, by creation's end, was communicated quite well.
what's this part? oh, this? this is the sanity clause. eh, you canna no fool me, there's a no such thing as a sanity clause
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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.
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