Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - I want some motherf***ing chocolate milk!!

08-12-2005, 09:13 AM

Heres my take on "Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child"

When I remarried 7 years ago I "inherited" 2 teens and one a bit younger (in addition to my own girls: 1 teen and 1 pre-teen). My husbands children were: boy/16, girl/14 and one pre-teen @ 12. Mine were 13 and 7.

Brief History: His children had been taken away from an apathetic mother and sent to live with maternal grandparents as his job required 99% travel. I take it the grandparents felt bad for them and allowed them to get away with murder with little corrective action taken. The children were not involved with any type of counseling. Brats! Talk about stepping out of the pan and into the fire. These kids were way out of control!!!

I came into the picture and immediately, the grandparents decided to hand the kids off to me as I would soon be the new step mom, BUT neglected to warn me of any behavioral issues. Now I understand why they were SO willing to let them go...

Putting my teenager (13 at the time & who happened to be hitting a rebelious stage of her own) with his kids who were already out of control was like adding gasoline.

After months of stunts including: stealing my car (in SD they get permits to drive at 14 years old), staying out all night, drugs and alchol, cutting school, tearing up the house, fighting, screaming obscene stuff at me hourly, stealing from me... I engaged a counselor and the school. NO HELP there... Dad/New husband was always gone..NO HELP there... Grandparents insisted the problems were with how I chose to dicipline them...NO HELP there... Mother was glad to be rid of them...you got it...NO HELP there.

So, finally, Id had enough. Now I am not a fighter so this approach took some effort but I decided to take the "battle" to them the next time a situation arose. The very next day the 2 oldest girls flatly refused to stay at home as I directed (for homework or whatever it was). This was about 9pm. I insisted and told them of the consequences if they did not follow directions (grounding). Basically, they laughed at me. As they were heading out the door to meet the boys in the driveway waiting for them...I took my daughter by the arm to redirect her to her room. This CHILD (who happened to be several inches taller than me) shrugged me off and then turned toward me and began screaming. My step daughter jumped in on my other side and they both continued to yell nasty stuff in my face until they were actually red in the face.

Know what? After one wasted moment comtemplating what "loving words" to use to try to difuse the situation I finally (after months of this remember) realized these things:
1) The girls were getting hotter by the second and each was feeding off of the others
anger.
2) The 16 year old boy was becoming interested and was coming toward me with a
nasy look on his face
3) My husbands youngest looked terrified (my youngest was not present thank God)
and I did not want to involve her in this ugly scene
4) I had to stop the progress FAST. Either lock myself in the bathroom or respond

I chose to respond. No, not with "words" ...I actually grew a set and slapped my daughter across the mouth. I turned and raised my hand toward my step daughter while picking up the phone. I told the boy that I was calling the police if he took one step closer. Well, the two girls jumped me...one from behind and one from the front. Only took me getting slammed into the refrigerator once to attain 10 foot status and I started knocking heads (years of being a cook in a mans world had paid off). The boy looked so startled that he took off. The girls were shocked and practically in tears. I probably looked like the devil coming after them as I stood there and DARED them to EVER treat me or anyone else like that ever again!!!

I had spared the rod for too long and once I got my head out of my arse, I found that sometimes it is NECESSARY to provide physical dicipline. In extreme situations, extreme measures are required.

Believe it or not...years later, we all have a pretty good attitude and relationships between us. Only rarely have I experienced this behavior from them since (and that was from the younger two whose memory must have served them enough to remember what can happen...my youngest heard the stories from the older ones).

No, I am not proud of the FEW times I can ever recall hitting anyone but, ya know...it got their attention long enough for a lesson to sink in. It was not necessary to repeat myself. If they had been taught properly while they were young this would have never been necessary.

The Chocolate Milk Kid needed a knock on the head...hopefully once would have been enough to teach a lifetime of respect.

Now, if the CMK was mentally ill or had been abused...whole nother ball game!

08-12-2005, 09:13 AM	#49 (permalink)
islandflea Guest	Heres my take on "Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child" When I remarried 7 years ago I "inherited" 2 teens and one a bit younger (in addition to my own girls: 1 teen and 1 pre-teen). My husbands children were: boy/16, girl/14 and one pre-teen @ 12. Mine were 13 and 7. Brief History: His children had been taken away from an apathetic mother and sent to live with maternal grandparents as his job required 99% travel. I take it the grandparents felt bad for them and allowed them to get away with murder with little corrective action taken. The children were not involved with any type of counseling. Brats! Talk about stepping out of the pan and into the fire. These kids were way out of control!!! I came into the picture and immediately, the grandparents decided to hand the kids off to me as I would soon be the new step mom, BUT neglected to warn me of any behavioral issues. Now I understand why they were SO willing to let them go... Putting my teenager (13 at the time & who happened to be hitting a rebelious stage of her own) with his kids who were already out of control was like adding gasoline. After months of stunts including: stealing my car (in SD they get permits to drive at 14 years old), staying out all night, drugs and alchol, cutting school, tearing up the house, fighting, screaming obscene stuff at me hourly, stealing from me... I engaged a counselor and the school. NO HELP there... Dad/New husband was always gone..NO HELP there... Grandparents insisted the problems were with how I chose to dicipline them...NO HELP there... Mother was glad to be rid of them...you got it...NO HELP there. So, finally, Id had enough. Now I am not a fighter so this approach took some effort but I decided to take the "battle" to them the next time a situation arose. The very next day the 2 oldest girls flatly refused to stay at home as I directed (for homework or whatever it was). This was about 9pm. I insisted and told them of the consequences if they did not follow directions (grounding). Basically, they laughed at me. As they were heading out the door to meet the boys in the driveway waiting for them...I took my daughter by the arm to redirect her to her room. This CHILD (who happened to be several inches taller than me) shrugged me off and then turned toward me and began screaming. My step daughter jumped in on my other side and they both continued to yell nasty stuff in my face until they were actually red in the face. Know what? After one wasted moment comtemplating what "loving words" to use to try to difuse the situation I finally (after months of this remember) realized these things: 1) The girls were getting hotter by the second and each was feeding off of the others anger. 2) The 16 year old boy was becoming interested and was coming toward me with a nasy look on his face 3) My husbands youngest looked terrified (my youngest was not present thank God) and I did not want to involve her in this ugly scene 4) I had to stop the progress FAST. Either lock myself in the bathroom or respond I chose to respond. No, not with "words" ...I actually grew a set and slapped my daughter across the mouth. I turned and raised my hand toward my step daughter while picking up the phone. I told the boy that I was calling the police if he took one step closer. Well, the two girls jumped me...one from behind and one from the front. Only took me getting slammed into the refrigerator once to attain 10 foot status and I started knocking heads (years of being a cook in a mans world had paid off). The boy looked so startled that he took off. The girls were shocked and practically in tears. I probably looked like the devil coming after them as I stood there and DARED them to EVER treat me or anyone else like that ever again!!! I had spared the rod for too long and once I got my head out of my arse, I found that sometimes it is NECESSARY to provide physical dicipline. In extreme situations, extreme measures are required. Believe it or not...years later, we all have a pretty good attitude and relationships between us. Only rarely have I experienced this behavior from them since (and that was from the younger two whose memory must have served them enough to remember what can happen...my youngest heard the stories from the older ones). No, I am not proud of the FEW times I can ever recall hitting anyone but, ya know...it got their attention long enough for a lesson to sink in. It was not necessary to repeat myself. If they had been taught properly while they were young this would have never been necessary. The Chocolate Milk Kid needed a knock on the head...hopefully once would have been enough to teach a lifetime of respect. Now, if the CMK was mentally ill or had been abused...whole nother ball game!