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And I feel that you are the one that sees this as black and white.
Different kids require different approaches. If one technique doesn't work, then you try another. The approach you suggest worked for the most part with my youngest daughter, it did not faze my oldest in the slightest. I refused to give up on my daughter, I'd rather take my chances with DCFS than raise a kid like the example above.
My kids are 24 and 25, educated, employed, and seemingly well adjusted in spite of their "abuse". I guess I must have done something right, as well.
Don't read too much into denting a refrigerator, it isn't that hard to do.
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