Quote:
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Originally Posted by itch vaccine
Dear Angel,
You scintillate in darkness to dim the stars,
Like the morning sun I hardly see.
Exuding a soothing warmth that I'd bask in you,
Whilst hoping for your eterne presence,
As your company I wish to always have.
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it's just 5 lines, would that suffice? 
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Seems a bit contrived....but the message is clear. I would simplify, as far as the complex wording if you wish to keep it at five lines, but, thats just my opinion.
Art has its own meter.....and comments/critique have little place in the minds creation.