08-09-2005, 02:03 AM
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#7 (permalink)
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C'mon, just blow it.
Location: Perth, Australia
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For those less PC kinds, The BattleCat's Netplay Etiquette Guide.
Some highlights:
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When you see your opponent in your motion detector, shove the guy out of his chair and kill his Marine. If afterwards he suddenly lunges to shove at you, you know he is just around the corner, so SPNKR his hinney. After that you are even but you are now two kills up on him.
If you can anger your opposition, he will be a poorer player so keep your cool and make him lose his. Tell him his girlfriend is so bone dog ugly she would scare the buzzards off a gut wagon, you know his weaknesses better than I so you are basically on your own here.
Blind side your opponent by dousing his lights with a sucker punch. While he lies sleeping, swallowing his teeth, keep hitting his action key and rekilling his Marine. When he wakes up, tell him you fought off the intruder and were nurturing him back to consciousness. Try to keep a straight face because this last part is important.
Play with someone dumber than you. There must be someone. Keep looking.
Take a big mouthful of clam chowder and fake barfing on your opponent. Good for several kills before he recovers, if you can reach his action key. Lick some drips up or loudly slurp up some chowder puddles on the desk after he recovers, one more kill guaranteed with this maneuver.
Bash your opponent over the head brutally with a heavy, blunt object. You will feel much better and you will have the advantage for at least an hour.
Bring a real pistol with you into the game room. Each time you are killed, shriek a profanity and fire a shot into the ceiling. Soon you will start winning.
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If you are Muslim. Shout "Allah Akbar!!!" just before you use a rocket to suicide bomb on someone's Marine.
If you are Christian. You can't suicide bomb. Technically you shouldn't be here in the first place, just remember to turn the other butt cheek if you are shot in the caboose.
If you are Jewish. You can't suicide. Oy vie, the guilt, suicide anyway, there's money riding on the score.
If you are Hindu. Cool, you can hold every weapon at the same time!
If you are Buddhist. Each time you action key back to life you will be a more advanced spiritual being until, as a point of pure radiant light, you leave the bounds of this earthly plane taking your Marathon CD with you. If you notice your forehead receding, your ears getting pointy and you have a new found ability to lick your balls, rethink your tactics, you have obviously been playing like the following people:
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__________________
"'There's a tendency among the press to attribute the creation of a game to a single person,' says Warren Spector, creator of Thief and Deus Ex."
-- From an IGN game review.
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