Amnesia620

Well, now, that's not good news to hear at all - that 'boys' are exerting dominance over their female counterparts through the use of violence. Not good news at all.

Not including emotionally/psychologically abusive relationships, I would like to add my own thoughts to this thread. Some may agree, some may not. This is just how I feel from my own very personal experiences.

In being a female who has managed to outlive 2 physically-abusive relationships, I will tell you that in my first one, at the age of 14 1/2 to 16, I fought back. I hit him back as much as I could...the abuse only became more intense - not more violent - and that the scars I have that show on my skin tell a story of 1 year and 9 months of me not taking his shit. I was eventually able to get away from him (I still lived at home, obviously, and he had "dumbed" himself down enough with his epileptic meds and alcohol mixtures that he wasn't smart enough to figure out how to keep me). I would like to think that I did my fair share of dealing out "what comes around, goes around" but I don't think the first abusive relationship, in any way, prepared me for the Hell I was going to brave some 3 1/2 to 4 years later. In my first relationship, I knew it was wrong for him to raise a hand to me, I was too young to really grasp a deep concept of love/devotion, etc., and therefore, I think it was easier to move away from the relationship.

The second relationship had me headspun to the point where I felt guilty for her actions. Yes, hers. I loved her and I found myself deeply attached and lost within her. In 9 months time, she was able to break down the person I once was and in one 'flick of the wrist' destroy me, my happy world with her by my side and my child in my arms, and everything (all the truths, happiness, lies, and sadness) that was a part of it to make it such a "safe, surreal place".

When one person is able to break down another person (male to male, male to female, female to female or female to male) and have them obey like a "puppet on a string" without any thought or confidence in adversity or rebellion, then there is no excuse for violence. The "puppet" isn't going to hit back, isn't going to dare react (other than to crumple to the floor, whimper and fear for her own life and/or that of her child(ren), and accept each slap, smack, punch, kick , etc.) until it is over - and only then the reaction (usually) is one of retreat with mechanical pleading, etched in holy terror, for it all to stop.
I remember saying over and over that I would never do whatever I did ever again and that I was so very sorry for making her angry all the while I'm picking up the peices of shattered glass on my carpet, cleaning up the blood (mine) out of the peach-colored carpet - just praying it wouldn't stain, sobbing, shaking, so terrified still that at any moment she could become enraged once more and the nightmare would continue - or worse, increase in severity...

That was almost a full 6 years ago, and although I've not seen her in that long, I still fear her in some deep part of me. I know that I once loved her so very much that even now I question my own confidence in ever facing her, again. Not even to have to face her in confrontation, but only in passing...what actions are justified then? After all the Hell she made sure I went through while we were side-by-side and even afterward, do I get one Free Pass to sock her in her jaw? The fact that her anger changed direction onto someone even more helpless and innocent than I and her actions destroyed the world she (and I) had built together, does that warrant any action I may take against her if I was to ever see her again?

True, I think that if a woman raises her fist to a man or woman first then yes, that woman should be prepared to accept what she dealt (if not, then she should learn never to take that course of action again in the future), and vice-versa. However, what is "fair play" in such a game? If my SO breaks my arm, my leg and bruises me daily, am I justified in putting a bullet (defense or revenge) in him/her? Even if I shoot him/her in their sleep - perhaps I fear for whatever Hell tomorrow was to bring?

What I'm trying to express is that there are many fine lines between defense and abuse, tolerance and intolerance, and therefore, each situation in and of itself, is subject to it's own level of allowances and taboo's.

In that being clarified, if two people are involved in an abusive (physical) relationship and it is violent, conflictive - they don't agree on the actions being taken against themselves or the actions harming a loved one (child, pet, etc.), then I think that the victim - if the aggressor has been unprovoked - should have the reserved right to take whatever action necessary to survive/escape her abuser.

Just a few thoughts to chew on, I'll let you know when I have a more definitive conclusion.

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For example, I find that a lot of college girls are barbie doll carbon copies with few differences...Sadly, they're dumb, ditzy, immature, snotty, fake, or they are the gravitational center to orbiting drama. - Amnesia620