Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - How do I tell my father that I need to get the fark outta here?

CityOfAngels · 08-06-2005, 12:04 AM

As many of you know, I'm 20 years old and am living with my father. I've been living with him since high school; ever since I did whatever I could to get my mother to kick me out of her apartment. I considered my dad to be the lesser of two evils, and he was, but even the lesser of two evils can overwhelm given time. I even work with him, which makes is a lot worse. I've been "planning but not actually planning" on leaving for years, now. I realized that one big thing that is keeping me here is HIM. Knowing that I could devastate him by leaving really puts a damper on my motivation. But it's time. I need to go. I'm tired of feeling like I have to put up with shit every single day of my life. I'm even paying all of our rent and bills, and I was wrong to think that would change things.

Anyways, it's time to tell him. I just want to do it the right way. He has a temper, and he acts out of spite. He is not a realist, and rarely thinks logically. I hope that gives you an idea of how sensitive a matter this is. I've written a rough draft of a letter to him, but I want your guys'/gals' input. ANY input, for or against my views, grammatical corrections, ANYTHING; I would greatly appreciate. Here's my rough draft (edited for privacy):

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rough Draft

Dad,

I don’t know how to begin. I guess I’ll start by saying I love you. You’re my father, you’ve always been there for me, and I hope to God that you’ll be around for many more years to come. But it comes a time when I have to say, “enough.” I can’t live with you anymore. I hope that you see my decision not as me leaving you, but as me choosing to live a better life; and I hope that you can support me in this decision.
You’ve been a huge part of my life. I remember when you and mom got a divorce, and your only concern was whether or not you’d be able to see (my brother) and I when it was all over. I remember you sending us $20 bills when we were living in (town we used to live in) just so (my brother) and I didn’t have to be the poor kids around town; even when you needed that money a lot more than we did. I remember you coming to my defense when my mom tried to force (mom's ex-husband) on (my brother) and I as our stepfather, and I remember you defended us when my mom would hit us. And even now, I’m 20 years old, and you’re still making sure that I have a place to live, food in my stomach, and a job so I can be at least somewhat self-reliant.
Times have changed. I know you love me, and I am fully confident that you would give me the shirt off of your back if I was ever in need, but I have become overwhelmed. You and I both have a temper. When two people with their own, unique, blatant tempers live together, they will clash. And we do clash; over and over and over and over again. Ever since I started living with you, it has become more and more consistent. Now, it is almost every day. I can’t live like this anymore. This is not how I saw myself living as a 20 year-old when I was in high school.
I’m not writing this to blame you. You and I are at our own faults for many things. But rather I am writing this to you because I want to be open and honest with you. You’re my father; I love you. I don’t want to secretly plan to leave and then one day just up and move, leaving you bewildered as to what just happened. I am also writing this to you to show you how important it is and how much it would mean to me if you could fully support me on this decision. I want better for myself, and I know you do, too.
I don’t have everything planned yet. I’m still at the drawing board. But you need to know that I intend to get my own apartment, or live with a non-relative roommate, as soon as possible. Financially, it is impossible for me to move right now. But do know that that’s not the only reason why I have stayed here. I have stayed here also because I know how important it is to you to have your sons around. I know you enjoy my company, and I know you don’t want me to leave. But for my own sake, I have to move on. I have to be able to live my own life without any obstructions.
Please understand. Every day that I am still here, I see my life slipping away. I want to live my life; not spend it leeching off of you or anyone else. I want to go home and actually feel like I’m at home. I want to be able to feel like I can invite my friends over without my father bursting in the living room in a fit of rage. I want to be able to feel like I can bring a female over, and possibly get laid, and not have my father pounding on the bedroom door, demanding to be let in. As much of a blessing you have been, living with you has become a burden that I am not willing to carry anymore.
I love you, dad. We need to talk about this; not yell, and not put it on the back-burner. This is extremely important to me. -(Me)