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Ask her to step down, but make it seem like it's for her convenience, not yours. Play it like "you have so much to worry about with the baby and your car, I just won't hear of you inconveniencing yourself to be in the wedding." Period. Pay for the dress and count yourself lucky. And keep the 3 groomsmen - people should be in your wedding party because they are special to you, not to balance out the wedding photos. We had 2 bridesmaids and 1 groomsman at our wedding. We didn't do the walk down the aisle, but if you choose to, the party can walk down individually instead of a bridesmaid escorted by a groomsman.
As for the rest of this girl's fucked up life, she does sound annoying but you are playing along. Someone needs to tell her NO! If it's inconvenient for you to drive 30 minutes out of your way with your one car to give her a lift to work, don't do it! And why do you censor yourself instead of telling her what you really think? Go ahead and tell her to start thinking of someone besides herself! Sounds like she needs to grow up, and continuing to put up with her behavior is not doing either of you any favors. People are a lot like dogs: you will get from them precisely the behavior that you tolerate. So quit tolerating it or deal with the consequences.
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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."
- Anatole France
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