Eowyn_Vala

Not sure where else to put this....




This might get long. It's been a while since I've visited TFP and right now I couldn't think of anywhere else to go or that I'd rather be asking advice for. I'm getting married October 1st. Things are moving along fairly well. The money end is kind of tight so we have to be really careful but things are working out. I have two bridesmaids and a maid of honor. Right now I really want to ask one of my bridesmaids to step down. Lets call her B1 and the other my fiance's sister is B2. I really like B2, she's nice, no problems there. The maid of honor is my twin sister, no problems there, she's been a huge help.

B1 has a lot of issues, but in the time I've known her things are slowly getting worse. Due to money constraints my fiance and I asked the wedding party to pay for their own clothes. When it came to buying her dress she asked me several times to pay for hers. I explained that I couldn't. Eventually she paid for her own. I wanted her to be in the wedding but if she didn't want to pay for the dress she didn't have to be in it. Shortly after this she found out she was pregnant from a one night stand. She moves home (the town where I live) to live with her parents. Okay so she is diabetic and doesn't watch her blood sugar like she should. Once pregnant she got better about that. But all I hear about now is how she goes low all the time, how the baby might be mentally handicapped, how much child care will cost, ect. She wasn't sure in the beginning if she was going to keep it. She had an offer from an Aunt and Uncle who can't have more kids, to adopt. Pretty much everyone else feels like she should let someone adopt it since she has run up huge credit card debt in the last year, can't take care of herself, and was on Anti-Depressants. I asked her the other day if she is keeping it and she said she was unless something out of the blue happened to convince her the baby would be better off adopted by someone.

Whenever we talk I do listen to her, I don't offer a lot of advice since I disagree with her plus I don't have much to say. I try to stear the conversation to other topics like the wedding, or just stuff that's happening like the recent rodeo or whatever. It always goes back to baby this and how she is. Then last week she wrecked her car by cutting across the parking lanes in the WalMart parking lot. She claims to not have even seen the other car until she heard a crunch. Her car is totalled, the other car had only about $1000 of damage. So she's looking for a new car, talking about money and needed some for a new car (I feel like she keeps hinting here that my fiance and I could help her when we can't). Her parents are coming home from vacation today. So to get to the point, she recently started working where I do, we carpool, she'd meet me at my house since it's in a small town 20 mintues away from my side of town. She lives across town. Since her accident she is having me drive over to get her. So I have to get up and extra 30 mintues early. I told her it's inconvient for me and asked to see if she could work something out with her brother. She said that she knows it is for me, but it's convient for her. this is where I get irritated and want to ask her to stop thinking only of herself. She hasn't offered anything in gas money, and I found out yesterday that her brother who's home for the summer was working the same small town. So he could have given her a ride, or dropped her off at my place.


Most of this I discovered yesterday. Now my fiance and I only have one car so sometimes I drop him off and pick him up, other times he does this for me. Like yesterday he dropped me off since he had the day off and needed the car. He picked me up. On the way home he wanted me to drop him off somewhere and B1 the friend starts asking if we can take her home first even though we weren't going out of our way to drop off my fiance, in fact it was on the way to her house. Okay I'm rambling but it all sort of ties in. I want to ask her to step down but she's already paid for the dress and we do have three groomsmen lined up. Although I pretty sure one of them wouldn't mind not having to pay for a tux rental. She is a friend and I do try to listen but I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. Should I talk to her and explain how I feel and leave the wedding out of it, or should I ask her to step down? I don't like confrontation, but I'm really afraid that is what it's going to come to since I can't get her to listen or really care. I figured I would try to just explain how I feel, ask her to split gas, and force the issue of her finding a ride to my house since it's costing me almost two extra hours of sleep and gas just to go get her and take her home.


Any advice of how to say any of this, what not to say, things I should mention or not mention would be greatly appreciated. I don't like confrontation, but when it happens I tend to go all out talk and talk to get everything in the open and my point might get lost. Kind of like it might have gotten lost along the way of me typing it.

Thanks I feel better after venting!

__________________
Cain: I know what you're doing. I've lead troops into battle before.
DG: And, how am I doing?
Cain: Well, there's less *hugging* when I do it