Yeah I think vanblah is on the right track. Set up named on your BSD server and have it resolve your domain's addresses to the local address. The DNS provided externally won't be affected, because your domain's SOA isn't your BSD box. When you're inside the network, you'll be polling your BSD box for the address of "mail.pocketmartiansoftware.com", which you can have configured to return "192.168.0.4" or whatever it is. When you're outside the network, whatever DNS server you're using will locate the "normal" IP address, which should be the same as the external IP of your router, and thus working seamlessly from both locations.
In my case (I've got the same type of setup at my place), I just set up /etc/hosts on all my systems, since my server's IP and name won't be changing for a long time, and I'm too lazy to set up named to do anything beyond a caching nameserver.
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