Brewmaniac

My Dearest Redneck Son,

I'm writing this real slow, because I know you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. Your Dad read in
the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your
home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address
because the last Arkansas family that lived here took the house
numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their
address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not
sure it works so well, though. Last week I put a load of clothes
in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the
first time for three days, and the second time for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send; -- your Uncle Billy-Bob
said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the big
buttons on, so we had to cut them off. You can find them in the
pockets.

Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really
worried because it took him two hours to get me and your Pa out.

Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what
it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. It's the
dangdest thing, but the baby looks just like your oldest brother.


Uncle Bobby-Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried
to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We had him
cremated; -- he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Bubba
was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your
other two friends, Cletus and Buford, were in the back. They
drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the
normal has happened.

Your Favorite Aunt,

Mom

__________________
"That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"