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Originally Posted by lurkette
Judgmental often? I don't think any of the people involved in either my marriage or our 'extracurricular' relationships could be characterized as having problems with intimacy or impulse regulation. We've just found that monogamy is not the only or even the best option for us.
Since I'm in the married w/o kids category, I can't really reply to this from firsthand experience. However, I think there are at least a few members on this board, and a few people I know firsthand, who would disagree with this.
When handled responsibly (and that is the key, right there) I see no reason why open relationships shouldn't work, kids or no kids. The problem in this situation is that his wife has not acted responsibly in the past, and he has some reservations about her getting involved with other men without her. Those are both big red-flag dealbreakers in the world of healthy non-monogamy.
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It's not judgmental; it's just an observation. Polyamorous relationships involve investments of time, energy, and love for an undefined number of people for an undefined time. This, to me (and many others), is equivalent to instability, which does not behoove a child-raising environment. I will grant you that there is very little research in this area so I can't say you're "wrong" in any sense, but your anecdotal support isn't much better than anyone else's.
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Originally Posted by Ustwo
Did you get that from a dear Abby column? Its grossly wrong on many levels. You can't even really compare swinging to an open relationship as they are completely different types of arrangements. Most swingers want nothing to do with having an open relationship, and if you think the common thread is 'having sex with other people' it shows you have a gross misunderstanding of the motivations involved.
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The common thread
is having sex with other people. Open relationships, though, ostensibly have an emotional component that swinging doesn't. Similar to what I mentioned above, open relationships are by definition flighty and lack clear structure. Ground rules are set to avoid future conflicts but there is always some level of uncertainty. In general, the type of person who gravitates toward this relationship feeds off the novelty of new people because they have trouble with intimacy. That is my hypothesis until anyone can show evidence against it.