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Why can this dilemna simply be answered by the trite cliche of "my house my rules"? I do not wish to incite anger, but only for some of our more conservative TFPer's to consider this. I think we'd agree that this would be a very simple matter if it happened between adults. The confusion is thus arising from the fact that it is a parent-child relationship. In a parent-child relationship, you can be as absolutely authoritarian as you want and get away with it. Why? Well, two reasons can be cited -- you raised them, and you "pay the bills." You can smack them, you can yell at them, you can lock them in a room for punishment, and you can even deny them previously "promised" things. These are your abilities under the law, and I wholeheartedly agree with ALLOWING these priveleges. Do not assume I wish to join the PC crowd and deem punishment or discipline unncessary. However, you should not/need not punish in this manner if you raise your children from birth to offer two things: respect and communication.
This means MANY things: don't be afraid to tell your children how you feel about sex. Even if it is "No sex before marriage," simply offer your explanation. Provide religious texts as a backbone, and remind them that it is simply respect for you as well as God. If it is not "no sex before marriage" but simply that you do not want them to be engaging in sex then make all rules enforceable, fair, make their ramifications clear, and make sure they understand why you've written them. If it is simply that you do not wish to have "sex in the house" then explain to them all of the possible complications, contraceptives, hazards, and your moral and natural feelings about them. You cannot use "I'm scared" as an excuse: you birthed this child to be their teacher and their GUARDIAN, and should be providing them with as much information as they can handle.
As an adult, if my country could create laws without being able to enforce them, without being fair to all parties involved, or without notifying me of exactly what the punishments were, I would be understandably angry, and I think you would be too. It is one of the "freedoms" we enjoy in a just government. The forefathers wanted most to avoid abuse of power, because no sane human being can stand having unwanted or unnecessary force applied to them. This certainly applies to children, and they have many rights and provisions under the law themselves. Thoughtful parents with intended childbirths -- I KNOW you didn't become a parent so you could provide a place for someone to live until they got tired of your rules. You created a child because you wanted to bring something into this world. .something like you, with respect and honesty and communication. You didn't birth them so you could force your will on them or create rules to bind their behavior. You didn't birth them so they could be spiteful and move out when they were 14. You CANNOT force your will on another human being, regardless of age. If you want your children to understand this as they grow into mature adults, the easiest way to do this by treating THEM with respect.
I tend to believe that this rule was not explicitly stated, and in this case there is no one to fault but the mother. By using this implicit rule to inforce the morality of "no sex", or the way you wish your house to be run, you are being niave. Children and teenagers are not the only ones to rebel against rules they do not agree with; it is a HUMAN phenomenon. It was the mother's fault for not being very explicit about the rule "no sex in the house." Since this is an isolated case, we cannot know if it was simply "no sex" or the latter.
On the subject of discipline, I always felt worse when my parents told me they were "dissapointed" in me or that I had brought "disrespect" on them or their house than I EVER did when they spanked me. I felt like someone undeserving of the love and shelter and money that they provided me with. They had birthed me, and given me a house and their love and I treated them like THIS?! No amount of beating your child will ever make them respect you or your power over them. You can never buy their respect. If there was one thing I wish my parents had done differently, it would be this expression of respect. If they had treated me like an adult (adults still have rules) and listened to me with the respect I deserved, I could have accepted their opinion as a person with more "authority".
......I seem to have a knack for writing excessive long posts, so I'll summarize:
*The mother is at fault for not clearly expressing the rules
*The mother is at fault for not teaching her child to respect other humans (and her mother especially)
*The daughter was the victim of unclear rules
If the rules were explicit, then the daughter should accept the punishment, and quite simply.. is deserving of discipline; but NOT because "its my house and my rules" but because she's forgotten to respect her mother.. the woman who will always love her.
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"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel
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