match000

Yes, exactly. I of course would do no such thing as tell someone I find them unattractive to their face. Only in cases where they will never know, such as this one...

Thanks man. As simple as it sounds, that is great advice: just try and have fun with it. I have found that without any "agendas", so to speak, and just being out to have fun, I have 100x more fun, and 100x "benefits" (unintended and unplanned

Yes, thank you for your understanding.

Well, I figure its high time for an update for all you kind, inquiring minds who were helping me with your diverse viewpoints

So we went ice skating as a group a few days prior, and after coming back from ice skating the group left me and The One I'm Not Interested In in the back deliberately so she could lay *her* cards on the table. The girls I were trying to 'hit on' were all called away by the other girls, so I had to talk it out with The One I'm Not Interested In.

Taking the GREAT advice (not being sarcastic here) of the people on the forum, I explained that we were both adults and that we can talk it over slowly and maturely. She was having soooo much trouble even getting to the part where she says "I like you", that we walked 8 city blocks before those words came out. Her ultimate expression was that she just wanted to find out if there was any interested from me before she left, so she wouldn't have any regrets or unknowns or mystery after she leaves...

In the interim, I saved her the trouble of saying it and tried to explain that I wasn't interested in her as kindly, slowly, and gently as I could. I explained how people have preconceived notions of ingrained attraction, and that to most people, the people they meet either fit in their own attractive category, or unattractive category. I basically explained that she was not my type. This seemed to help her get over it alot, as I never said that I found her unattractive; just that she was not my type. We had a good long talk, and I talked about my previous rejections by a few girls as well. I explained that I had continued being friends with those girls, and that sometimes people just can't work these things out mutually, but can still be friends.

She then asked me who *did* I like, and I very stupidly (being very inexperienced) answered I like two of her friends in the group. Yes, what a jerk I was! Later I realized that not only did that make me look like a superficial "player", it also hurts alot. However, she took it well, although she did ask me, "Can you do something for me? It's very selfish of me to ask... but can you wait until we all return to asia before you tell the two girls you like them?"

I said, "well, no I don't think I can do that..." She was ok with it and we just talked more, and overall throughout the whole conversation I had kept saying I thought of her as a very good friend, platonically and all. Things seemed fine after our long talk.

So now we are good friends, and the next day we see each other and everything is fine. The previous day at ice skating, I had been hitting on the 2nd cute girl who I THOUGHT didn't have a BF. Turns out she did; and she had been very uncomfortable with my hitting on her. The One I'm Not Interested In tells me that she thinks I should not express interest (lay my cards bare on the table) to either of the cute girls, as that would make them think lesser of me because they already had BF's. I asked The One I'm Not Interested In if she had told the 2 girls I liked them, and she said "No." She made sure that *I* wouldn't have any regrets with not asking, and it's actualy true, I don't have that much regrest. MAINLY because one of the cute girls I know is nice to me, but very attached to her BF. The other one is simply disinterested (and also attached to BF). So that was easy..

So now we all became good friends, and it was much easier to just hang out and be friends with everyone since The One I'm Not Interested In is not hitting on me anymore, I'm not hitting on both cute girls anymore, and overall noone is hitting on anyone anymore! (Even the girl who hits on my buddy wingman said she was simply being platonically friendly). So tonight we all had a great time, and I think in the coming week before they leave our small subgroup (not the whole group, as a few feel distant to me because of my previous hitting on the 2nd cute girl... How was I supposed to know she didn't have a BF!), will have a blast and at least a few more great times...

So yeah, although there was ALOT of drama, things turned out well, and I think I have made a bunch of great friends (platonically speaking!).

I might have more to say, but its 5 am and I need to sleep


Your collective comments REALLY helped alot, everyone; I think the primary thing that allowed me to continue being friends with everyone is that I was able to so maturely and kindly express my disinterest, and that she was able to so maturely and kindly take it in stride. Overall, we were all pretty mature and grown up about it, and that is what saved the friendships, so to speak..

As for the advice to simply lay my cards bare and express interest in the 2 girls, I did that too; I didn't lay the cards bare, but I made it freakin' obvious I had interest. It was good advice, except that both girls are already taken.. so nothing can happen. One girl took it well and is very nice to me, the other not so well and is distant, thus also making one or two of her friends distant to me too. Meh, I chalk it up to different personalities... the core group obviously does not think of me as a jerk, as we just had a great night of fun and they already wanted to do more stuff in the coming days

Thanks for all the help! I hope this experience of mine can also help you guys who face or will face similar situations to come out unscathed and for the better