I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the
following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge head first into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public
holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor
ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious
diseases.
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work
periods.
You do not always follow the orders of
the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area
and are often seen visiting other
locations.
You do not take initiative - you need
to be pressured and stimulated in
order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at
the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary
safety regulations
such as wearing protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated
work area before you have completed
the assigned task.
And if all this is not enough, you have
been seen constantly entering and
exiting the work place carrying two
suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management