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You poor bastard, you have my utter sympathy and total respect. I am astonished to see that you can be together enough to write about your pain here - I'd be introspective and hiding.
I hope you all find the peace you need at this very difficult time. It's grim - one of the contributory factors to my own divorce was that when her dad died she could only argue with me, and it forced open cracks in our marriage. I'm glad that you have the support and strength of your family.
Your step-father sounds like a great guy - he's going to go to pieces some time though, so keep a look out for him (like you NEEDED me to tell you that).
Death is hard, but death with dignity is a prize beyond value.
Keep well.
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Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
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