Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - The dreaded "Going On A Break", need some guidance (female translator requested)

Bob Biter · 07-03-2005, 08:32 PM

I believe Tecoyah hit the nail on the head when it comes to communication, while Utswo cornered the girl's inner motiviations. Two of my friends went through the exact same situation during college: girlfriend going to Europe and requesting a "break". Who wouldn't want a chance at great, guilt-free European sex? This doesn't mean it'll happen, but the opportunity is there.

To be honest, I'd appreciate her honesty if she wasn't so roundabout towards the whole thing. Perhaps she wants to initiate a break-up, but only calls it a "break" so that you could complete the puzzle and add "up" at some point. Being the dumped instead of the dumper can sometimes feel less painful to some people, especially when there's no concrete, immediate problems in the relationship, but a desire to end it exists.

When she's gone and you mingle with the locals, be honest about it. When you talk to a girl and she asks if you have a girlfriend, tell her the truth. "No, I don't." I'm fairly certain she'll say the same thing when Paco Rabanne or Louis LeChasseur ask her if she has a boyfriend. Either that, or she'll be cryptic about it, just like she's being with you right now, in a misguided attempt to not make herself appear like a bad person or a liar. People need to be more honest. "I like you very much, but there's a chance I might be offered sex by Europeans in the very near future and I don't think I'll refuse it, because sex is, after all, a wholesome, perfectly natural thing that happens between two people. However, once my adventure is over, I might find myself missing what we had. So, it would be great if you could be available (re: single) upon my return. If you could abstain from sex with other girls, that would be great, too, since it would maintain my fantasy of having a guy on stand-by who has integrity and wouldn't dream of replacing me with somebody else. If you actually bed other women, do not tell me about it, since my fantasy would then be compromised."

When you meet other girls during her absence you could even go for a more verbose answer to the availability question: "A girlfriend? Well, I had one, but she decided to go to Europe to find herself and asked for a "break". While I love her and didn't want this sort of emotional distancing, I understand and respect her desire to experiment. Maybe she'll abstain from any relationship, maybe she'll nail an entire soccer team. It's not really my concern. The point is, we're both young and young people like to feel free. I'd be a real possessive asshole if I demanded that she limit herself at this point in her life, while living across an ocean. However, I told her exactly how I feel, and she still wanted a "break". I made it a "break up", to help her out with a little dose of reality. I'm gonna have a drink, do you want one?"

07-03-2005, 08:32 PM	#40 (permalink)
Bob Biter Non-smokers die everyday Location: Montreal	I believe Tecoyah hit the nail on the head when it comes to communication, while Utswo cornered the girl's inner motiviations. Two of my friends went through the exact same situation during college: girlfriend going to Europe and requesting a "break". Who wouldn't want a chance at great, guilt-free European sex? This doesn't mean it'll happen, but the opportunity is there. To be honest, I'd appreciate her honesty if she wasn't so roundabout towards the whole thing. Perhaps she wants to initiate a break-up, but only calls it a "break" so that you could complete the puzzle and add "up" at some point. Being the dumped instead of the dumper can sometimes feel less painful to some people, especially when there's no concrete, immediate problems in the relationship, but a desire to end it exists. When she's gone and you mingle with the locals, be honest about it. When you talk to a girl and she asks if you have a girlfriend, tell her the truth. "No, I don't." I'm fairly certain she'll say the same thing when Paco Rabanne or Louis LeChasseur ask her if she has a boyfriend. Either that, or she'll be cryptic about it, just like she's being with you right now, in a misguided attempt to not make herself appear like a bad person or a liar. People need to be more honest. "I like you very much, but there's a chance I might be offered sex by Europeans in the very near future and I don't think I'll refuse it, because sex is, after all, a wholesome, perfectly natural thing that happens between two people. However, once my adventure is over, I might find myself missing what we had. So, it would be great if you could be available (re: single) upon my return. If you could abstain from sex with other girls, that would be great, too, since it would maintain my fantasy of having a guy on stand-by who has integrity and wouldn't dream of replacing me with somebody else. If you actually bed other women, do not tell me about it, since my fantasy would then be compromised." When you meet other girls during her absence you could even go for a more verbose answer to the availability question: "A girlfriend? Well, I had one, but she decided to go to Europe to find herself and asked for a "break". While I love her and didn't want this sort of emotional distancing, I understand and respect her desire to experiment. Maybe she'll abstain from any relationship, maybe she'll nail an entire soccer team. It's not really my concern. The point is, we're both young and young people like to feel free. I'd be a real possessive asshole if I demanded that she limit herself at this point in her life, while living across an ocean. However, I told her exactly how I feel, and she still wanted a "break". I made it a "break up", to help her out with a little dose of reality. I'm gonna have a drink, do you want one?" __________________ A plan is just a list of things that don't happen.