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billege · 07-01-2005, 06:42 AM

I personally have this insane theory that your state's fireworks laws give a good indication of how much you lean towards being communist bastards.

For example: I love Ohio's law. Check this: Sparklers, trick noisemakers & novelties are exempt under Ohio law. Other consumer fireworks may be sold to Ohio residents upon execution of a form agreeing to take the items out to the state within 48 hours, or to out-of state residents upon execution of a form agreeing to take the items out the state within 72 hours.

That's like saying,
"You're going to take these fireworks out of the state within 48 hours, right?"
"Sure, I promise they will not be in the great state of Ohio within 48 hours. Promise. Sure, I'll sign that."

I love that.

Another: age of purchase: (Tennesee) 10 years. w00t for Tennesee.
Nothing says, "I'm an American" like a bunch of 10 year olds armed with explosives.

Massachusetss, the land of the "free," all fireworks, of any kind, are PROHIBITED.
Fucking commies.

Fucked in AZ also. What? People will set the sand on fire?
Commies also.

DC is so complicated there's a 50% chance whatever you have is illegal depending on how you look at it. Imagine that. DC. Having an overly complex law. What are the odds?

I LOVE TEXAS.
Those fuckers are like, "buy anything you want, except for military ordiance, and even that's okay if you're over 18" "Set off napalm, we don't care."
No, not really. Texas does prohibit "small rockets (less than 4 gms propellant, and casings less than ?” x 3 ½” overall length."
I read that as meaning:
"Don't buy little rockets you pussy, get this big 10 footer over here!"

Don't even bother reading Utah's. I think they're commies, but I'm not sure. They're awfully specific.

Nebraska has the right idea: " Samples for all fireworks must be submitted to Fire Marshal prior to sale for separate test shoot examination."
You know that's the best job. Picture the Fire Marshal:
"Yup, I'm gonna have to spend all day setting off, I mean "test shooting and examining" this giant buttload of free fireworks. Gotta protect the citizenry, you know?"

These damn east coast states. Commies. Delaware:
"No consumer fireworks are permitted in Delaware.
All consumer fireworks are prohibited Delaware."

Well shit. They just blew their tourist draw. Wait. Delaware had no tourist draw. Never mind.

How communist is your state? I found a good listing of laws
right here.

07-01-2005, 06:42 AM	#1 (permalink)
billege Watcher Location: Ohio	Fireworks Laws as a Freedom Gauge I personally have this insane theory that your state's fireworks laws give a good indication of how much you lean towards being communist bastards. For example: I love Ohio's law. Check this: Sparklers, trick noisemakers & novelties are exempt under Ohio law. Other consumer fireworks may be sold to Ohio residents upon execution of a form agreeing to take the items out to the state within 48 hours, or to out-of state residents upon execution of a form agreeing to take the items out the state within 72 hours. That's like saying, "You're going to take these fireworks out of the state within 48 hours, right?" "Sure, I promise they will not be in the great state of Ohio within 48 hours. Promise. Sure, I'll sign that." I love that. Another: age of purchase: (Tennesee) 10 years. w00t for Tennesee. Nothing says, "I'm an American" like a bunch of 10 year olds armed with explosives. Massachusetss, the land of the "free," all fireworks, of any kind, are PROHIBITED. Fucking commies. Fucked in AZ also. What? People will set the sand on fire? Commies also. DC is so complicated there's a 50% chance whatever you have is illegal depending on how you look at it. Imagine that. DC. Having an overly complex law. What are the odds? I LOVE TEXAS. Those fuckers are like, "buy anything you want, except for military ordiance, and even that's okay if you're over 18" "Set off napalm, we don't care." No, not really. Texas does prohibit "small rockets (less than 4 gms propellant, and casings less than ?” x 3 ½” overall length." I read that as meaning: "Don't buy little rockets you pussy, get this big 10 footer over here!" Don't even bother reading Utah's. I think they're commies, but I'm not sure. They're awfully specific. Nebraska has the right idea: " Samples for all fireworks must be submitted to Fire Marshal prior to sale for separate test shoot examination." You know that's the best job. Picture the Fire Marshal: "Yup, I'm gonna have to spend all day setting off, I mean "test shooting and examining" this giant buttload of free fireworks. Gotta protect the citizenry, you know?" These damn east coast states. Commies. Delaware: "No consumer fireworks are permitted in Delaware. All consumer fireworks are prohibited Delaware." Well shit. They just blew their tourist draw. Wait. Delaware had no tourist draw. Never mind. How communist is your state? I found a good listing of laws right here. __________________ I can sum up the clash of religion in one sentence: "My Invisible Friend is better than your Invisible Friend."