reiii

Ever since this began my rational mind has been at war with my instincts. Do I believe my girlfriend when I look into her eyes and ask her if she’s attracted to other guys? Of course, so when she told me that she isn’t attracted to other men, I began to rationalize. Maybe she just wants to be free in everyway for a little while, but would never really betray me. Yeah…after reading your advice it seems like an overwhelming consensus is in; a consensus consistent with my instinctive reaction. Whether she is attracted to other guys right now or not, she wants to be! She’s reaching for the sample spoon (/nod guthmund). And of course, if we are on a break it isn’t true betrayal (or something).

So I guess I better hoist the Jolly Roger and hope I can find some peace in the sea of bachelordom. I have some serious issues to work out before I can really even begin. For instance, I cant remember the last time I had a sex dream with another girl, where I haven’t either backed out at the last moment, or been woken up by my surging guilt. Monogamy has penetrated the deepest recesses of my mind. Its gonna take time (or -OH) before I can bring myself to be with another girl. The amazing thing is over the last 3 years of my life ive created a lot of sexual tension with other women. Do I cash in? I dunno, once again that would feel like cheating to me (it shouldn’t have been there in the first place). I’m woefully unprepared.

Am I a safety net? Do I respect myself? Off hand Id love to say no, and yes. But honestly I don’t know. I’ll tell you in a few months. My identity is so tied up in this whole thing. Three years ago I was a great highschool athlete with a beautiful loving girlfriend. Now I’m a pre med with 2x surgerized limb. Maybe I should go goth?

I’ll check in later with an update. I treasure all of your advice, brutal or otherwise.

edit: missing words here and there

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