Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - The dreaded "Going On A Break", need some guidance (female translator requested)

innovis · 06-20-2005, 01:40 AM

My girlfriend also just asked for a break. We've been together for a year and 4 months, and I just got back from China.

She says I am never happy, and I will agree that alot of times I'm not happy, because she'd do things that she knew pissed me off (despite the fact that I told her exactly what she did to make me angry, and she'd continue to do it soon after), and because I felt I was putting 90% of the energy into the relationship. It was very unequal, we interacted 97% of the time at my apartment, never at her dorm room, I was never invited over, she never invited me to come home with her and I invited her home every time I went.

At any rate, she wants to take a break until school starts again, and she is also going to Europe for a month. We have both promised not to kiss or interact sexually with anyone else though. I'm confused because if we're not doing anything with anyone else, and shes not attempting to start a relationship with anyone else, and we're not interacting together, how is that going to help her? She has space, shes currently at home for the summer about 4 hours away.

To me it just seems like she wants to take the easy way out, and feel like I'm still an option once she returns, but without feeling like she needed to keep the relationship alive. She also basically walked away from all of the problems we had instead of trying to fix them, which turns me off of the idea of a future with her.

Its been my belief for the longest time that breaks only end in break ups, and their sole purpose is to have the ability to bang someone else without cheating. Have any of you had a break and then gone on to continue the relationship for 5 or more years?

The one shining light that has come from this is that she finally agreed to go off of the pill, which I believe has changed her alot.

Can anyone explain their motivation for returning to a partner who wanted a break? Doesn't it feel slightly pathetic, that you're willing to get back with someone who didn't love you enough to fix any problems they had in an adult manner, and instead chose to hurt you with reckless disregard?

Edit:
Does anyone who gets back with the partner whom initiated the break feel like they owe you somehow, or that they should somehow be more into the relationship than you? It just seems to me that if I got back together with my girlfriend, she'd have to be more into me than I was her, at least initially. She couldn't be half ass about it, ya know?

06-20-2005, 01:40 AM	#12 (permalink)
innovis Crazy	My girlfriend also just asked for a break. We've been together for a year and 4 months, and I just got back from China. She says I am never happy, and I will agree that alot of times I'm not happy, because she'd do things that she knew pissed me off (despite the fact that I told her exactly what she did to make me angry, and she'd continue to do it soon after), and because I felt I was putting 90% of the energy into the relationship. It was very unequal, we interacted 97% of the time at my apartment, never at her dorm room, I was never invited over, she never invited me to come home with her and I invited her home every time I went. At any rate, she wants to take a break until school starts again, and she is also going to Europe for a month. We have both promised not to kiss or interact sexually with anyone else though. I'm confused because if we're not doing anything with anyone else, and shes not attempting to start a relationship with anyone else, and we're not interacting together, how is that going to help her? She has space, shes currently at home for the summer about 4 hours away. To me it just seems like she wants to take the easy way out, and feel like I'm still an option once she returns, but without feeling like she needed to keep the relationship alive. She also basically walked away from all of the problems we had instead of trying to fix them, which turns me off of the idea of a future with her. Its been my belief for the longest time that breaks only end in break ups, and their sole purpose is to have the ability to bang someone else without cheating. Have any of you had a break and then gone on to continue the relationship for 5 or more years? The one shining light that has come from this is that she finally agreed to go off of the pill, which I believe has changed her alot. Can anyone explain their motivation for returning to a partner who wanted a break? Doesn't it feel slightly pathetic, that you're willing to get back with someone who didn't love you enough to fix any problems they had in an adult manner, and instead chose to hurt you with reckless disregard? Edit: Does anyone who gets back with the partner whom initiated the break feel like they owe you somehow, or that they should somehow be more into the relationship than you? It just seems to me that if I got back together with my girlfriend, she'd have to be more into me than I was her, at least initially. She couldn't be half ass about it, ya know? Last edited by innovis; 06-20-2005 at 01:44 AM..