Alright so 6 years ago a cute girl moves in next door, we were fourteen the day we met. Flash forward to today, we've been going out for three years (almost to a day) and I find myself in an extremely confusing purgatory. We were the perfect pair of obsessive daters in highschool. When college came, she was getting ready to go to an Ivy in the northeast and I was heading south. Everyone told us it was unhealthy to try to keep our relationship together, you need to
live in college, meet people.
We didnt listen, and we suffered. She was also miserable in her school. So transfer time....It comes down to my school and another of comparable quality, she chooses my school. So people are on our case again (naturally). It’s not healthy to transfer schools for a relationship! Well she hated her school, liked mine, can I say that me being there wasnt a factor? No, but I wasnt the only reason she came to my school.
So now were going to the same college and were almost in the present. We spend a ton of time with each other. Not to say she doesnt join a sorority and make her own click. So spring comes this year, and I notice her pull away from me a little bit right before exams. Exam week blows by, and we part ways for half a month while shes on her family vacation. She came back in the beginning of june, and she runs right to her highschool friends. I dont see her for about two weeks, and then I get her to sit down and talk to me (last night):
She wants space and time
She is terrified of us breaking up permanantly
She loves me
She wants to get back together before school
She thinks "lots of people do this"
She thinks our relationship is not healthy, and a break is
She wants "Her time", which she hasn't had for years
She is not attracted to other guys
She thinks not having the option to get with other guys
would make her resentful when shes studying abroad
at the end of the summer
She got extremely uncomfortable when i suggested we
make a no sex with other people rule
She would hate the girl, but not me if I got with someone
else
She'd rather not know about it
She wants independence
Currently I'm a mess. I'm starting to realize that she may be on to something when she suggested that we are fairly dependent right now. What should I expect? How do I handle my jealously? I have trouble letting go of jealously even when I know rationally my feelings are wrong. I love this girl; she loves me, buttttt where do other guys factor into this? How am I going to feel if I get with some slut? Wont that still feel like cheating? What if I have a fling she doesn’t, vice versa? If she’s not attracted to other guys (she said this with particular emphasis), why does she want the option? Is 1 month apart enough for her to regen the independence she wants? Does she need longer?
I could go on for ages, please just lend me some advice if you’ve been in a similar situation, or you think you can decode my situation. I asked her at the end of our conversation where do you see yourself in 5 years? She said with you…then she started bawling.
