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Originally Posted by martinguerre
i've been lurking this discussion...nothing really to add in terms of content at the moment, but i wanted to recognize gilda's effort in bringing a great discussion to this board... perhaps the one question/comment i would raise is one more about community and idenity. GBLT and it's later incarnations, GBLTQ, GBLTQA, GBLTQIQ, etc...all implcitly link trans idenity with queer idenity and community. to what extent do you think this is reality? are trans individuals really welcome in queer space? does this language help us be allies to each other, or does it collapse differences? just a few things that crossed my mind...
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Unfortunately, the T part of GLBT seems to often be added as a matter of form, just because it's expected, but without any concern for the rights and needs of transsexuals. Last year, the HRC, an advocacy group for gay rights, gave in to pressure to leave transsexual rights out of their official lobbying position. Their rationale was that it would inhibit the chance of getting equal rights for gays, and when that goal is achived, they can move on to transsexuals and other targeted groups. The problem is that by removing the sections devoted to promoting equal rights for the transgendered, they ended up doing the opposition's work for them by pitting gays against the transgendered, when we should be working together. I want to be able to marry Grace legally, but not at the expense of my sister's basic human rights.
My freind Jen and her wife once went to a gay bar, assuming that this would be a place where Jen could go en femme and they'd be accepted, and were made to feel very unwelcome, because they were, in the eyes of many of the lesbians anyway, a straight couple. The gay guys, on the other hand, were much more welcoming.
We (gays and lesbians) do have in common with transsexuals that we don't fit into the traditional binary view of human sexuality. My experience has been that gay guys are much more accepting of transsexuals than lesbians, a significant minority of which are just as intolerant, or even more so, of the transgendered as the general populace, but then again my experience has been that the man-hating lesbians tend not to like anyone other than other man-haters, so this is actually fairly consistent.
I have found, and again, this is my personal experience and not based on research or anything like that, that transsexuals, when they need this type of emotional support, tend to find it primarily with other transsexuals, and what's more, they group themselves by sex, ie the MTFs associate with other MTfs and the FTM's with other FTM's. This makes sense, as the general issues they face are similar, but the specific ones are far different, and the two groups sometimes seem to make each other uncomfortable, for the obvious reasons.
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that, and you're being a fantastic sister. i've always thought that with a few good allies, nearly anything is possible. best wishes to sissy in her recovery. 
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She's doing well. She slept about 20 of the last 24 hours, and she's still swollen and has tubes stuck in her all over the place, but Grace and the nurses tell me she's doing fantastic, and I trust Grace in all things, so I just accept that she's doing well. When she's awake she's just radiating joy despite feeling sore everywhere from her naval to her knees.