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It's called blame the victim. I have two recommendations for you:
1) Talk to a therapist (most health plans let you do this without a referral) to understand and overcome your misplaced feelings of guilt. A good therapist can also help you develop a strategy for dealing with this.
2) Realize that she may be tearing you down in order to build herself up and assuage her own feelings of guilt. In short, cheating on an abusive asshole like you is ok. It's called rationalization and it doesn't matter one bit that you were never an abusive asshole.
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DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.
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