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I was hesitant on posting these, because I don't believe they are very well written. However, they are a reflection of me and my past, so I figured if I want people to get to know me, I might as well go ahead and share.
First some backround: I do not have a very pleasant relationship with my mother, and I even have a hard time calling it a "relationship" sometimes. So this first one was written from my own perspective of my my past. The second is written from my mother's perspective, and only as a mere guess as to what she might feel like today. Writing these has given me a whole new outlook on how I should be approaching my "relationship" with my mother.
So... here it goes...
“The Daughter”
These words and walls
Of cringing anger turning into a ball
Deep inside of my soul
Ripping at my insides with its wretched shambles of her, taking its toll
She pushes me out without a care
Leaving me naked and bare
For the rest of my life
You leave me to pick up the pieces of my life
With your hatred for him
I’ve become this love of a person
With so much trust to gain
You restrict and control until you my heart you have slain
If ever it was right
For me to cry every night
Please give me a clue
As to why I deserved this abandonment from you
Slamming my door to shut out your lies
Makes it even harder for me to love you
As the years of your power add up
I become this social outcast
Untaught and dealing with the dead hand of the past.
I am a daughter whose struggles show plainly and behaviors have lost many
I am who I am.
Forgive me
For I have no idea how to apologize.
“The Mother”
I am the one who gave her away
With every second of each passing day
She grows up with my manipulating sinister glare
And I cry myself to sleep, because all I can do is compare
Her future with mine
Only makes me sigh
I could never comply
With her needs, her wants
For I was never taught…
How to teach these qualities she now bares.
This is not a gift fro me
I must admit these superficial aspects
“The Perfect Daughter”
Never existed
Even though in the end, I didn’t care.
I am the mother who stays
Unhappy inside staring at my own daughter’s somber gaze
I have failed at this: the only thing I had the chance to do right.
All I can do is struggle with the controlling personality fights.
I am who I am.
Forgive me.
For I have no idea how to apologize.
__________________
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." - Gandhi
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