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The idea that being nice is a defense mechanism in itself is interesting. That's basically what I told this guy as well - I figured he must get some kinda thrill from knowing that I am more fucked up than he is. I termed it as 'collecting fucked up ppl'. Knowing that others are messed up prolly makes him feel better about his fucked up ness. At least that is the conclusion I came to.
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It really is no thrill to hear someone droning on about how 'fucked up they are' all the time. I doubt that's what his motives are. What are your motives? Try spending a whole day trying to make other people happy. It will take your mind off yourself, and you might start to see things in a new light.