abaya

Interesting reflection, Mal... it sounds like you see relationships the same way you see having a pet... just more maintenance. I understand how apathy can eat away at one's ability to have faith.

Incidentally, I felt that same way towards a lot of my pets... I didn't kill them intentionally (i.e. sabotage), they just died because I stopped caring about maintaining them. I knew they were going to die, but I just stopped caring because hey, it's the fifth hamster and they smell bad and I'm too lazy to change the shavings in the cage...

And I feel that way about most of my friendships, but not my relationships with my parents or my boyfriend. I feel like most friendships have an "expiration date," and even though I never know when it's coming, I know when it's past and things start to smell bad.

Parents & boyfriend, though, seem to have no expiration, and no matter how much I conduct myself like a bull in a china shop, sabotaging unintentionally, these people continue to love me. (Even my mom, and she's the one who "taught" me that behavior.)

I'm flabbergasted when I sit back and think about it.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran