Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - past relationships:the backlash...your opinions please

skysooner · 06-10-2005, 07:34 AM

IMO, there is no such thing as truly unconditional love. It is fine to say that someone should love you for who you are unconditionally. This really only works if both people in the relationship are completely mature rational adults (which never happens as well all have our insecurities).

Instead a good relationship is based on how you treat each other and how you make each other feel. Tell me how long a relationship will survive if one person is loving unconditionally and the other person is treating the other badly (i.e. making them feel emotionally insecure). A good relationship depends on each person doing the little things that make the other feel better. This sounds so easy but can be very, very difficult. The reason? People don't communicate with each other.

You are talking to him. He is either not hearing you or choosing to ignore it. It sounds to me like he has a big insecurity problem. Getting cheated on could be a good reason for that. That being said, your history is what made you who you are. People don't magically grow up to be a complete person without having a history of good and bad experiences. His only concern with your number of partners should be if you cheated on previous boyfriends while in a serious relationship (which could indicate a pattern of conduct that would stress him out due to his previous experience). If you just had the normal partners that everyone has (some long-term, maybe some very short-term) then what is his problem?

Sure there are girls that are so insecure about themselves that they will sleep with anyone around. Usually they grow up, get secure with themselves and don't do it anymore. There are guys that are like that as well. They go out and sleep with any girl they can find to prove that they can do it. I was like that. I had infinitely more partners than you did prior to my 24th birthday when I seemed to finally grow up. My wife was a virgin, and I have still been her only partner. She has been my only partner since we met.

Do yourself a favor and discuss this with him seriously. He needs a wakeup call on how bad this is bothering you. If he won't change, you owe it to yourself to get out. As many others have pointed out, this has the feel of a potentially abusive, controlling relationship.

06-10-2005, 07:34 AM	#73 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	IMO, there is no such thing as truly unconditional love. It is fine to say that someone should love you for who you are unconditionally. This really only works if both people in the relationship are completely mature rational adults (which never happens as well all have our insecurities). Instead a good relationship is based on how you treat each other and how you make each other feel. Tell me how long a relationship will survive if one person is loving unconditionally and the other person is treating the other badly (i.e. making them feel emotionally insecure). A good relationship depends on each person doing the little things that make the other feel better. This sounds so easy but can be very, very difficult. The reason? People don't communicate with each other. You are talking to him. He is either not hearing you or choosing to ignore it. It sounds to me like he has a big insecurity problem. Getting cheated on could be a good reason for that. That being said, your history is what made you who you are. People don't magically grow up to be a complete person without having a history of good and bad experiences. His only concern with your number of partners should be if you cheated on previous boyfriends while in a serious relationship (which could indicate a pattern of conduct that would stress him out due to his previous experience). If you just had the normal partners that everyone has (some long-term, maybe some very short-term) then what is his problem? Sure there are girls that are so insecure about themselves that they will sleep with anyone around. Usually they grow up, get secure with themselves and don't do it anymore. There are guys that are like that as well. They go out and sleep with any girl they can find to prove that they can do it. I was like that. I had infinitely more partners than you did prior to my 24th birthday when I seemed to finally grow up. My wife was a virgin, and I have still been her only partner. She has been my only partner since we met. Do yourself a favor and discuss this with him seriously. He needs a wakeup call on how bad this is bothering you. If he won't change, you owe it to yourself to get out. As many others have pointed out, this has the feel of a potentially abusive, controlling relationship.