KingOtter67

This is a tough one.

And without writing a novel of background information, I am a little bit in the same boat as you with my wife of 9 years. I would be very happy if we were still in the can't-keep-our-hands-off-each-other part of the relationship and she has backed off from that.

So I agonized for a long time (years) what I could do about it, what does it mean, does she not love me, does she not find me attractive, does she not ... does she not.... blah blah. We've talked about it and generally the most I can get is an 'I don't know' from her.

So anyway... I decided I'm going to stop letting my confidence and esteem rest with her acceptance (my definition of her acceptance, to be completely clear), and find acceptance in myself, of myself.

I still love her, she still thrills me, and we still have a pretty good sex life (albeit a bit one-sided for the most part). And I'm positive she still loves me. I've just stopped putting my requirements on her expressions of her love.

Sure, sure, I slip back into it from time to time, but for the most part it has unburdened me.

Edit: Doh, just realized I only read the first page of the thread. Sorry.

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KingOtter
You can't push on a rope.