guthmund

I was going to make this a journal entry, but....

Yesterday, I went to the bank where I was going to cash my paycheck (first one in like 4 years, which was a bit exciting) and mosey on down to the shoestore to pick up some quality sneakers. I should preface this to say that I haven't had an account with a bank for over 4 years. I was a piss poor college student and guys such as us have no need for pithy banks as our pockets do just fine.

I duck out a bit early and head to the bank from where the check is drawn. I mention this because the bank before had no problem cashing the checks the college gave me when I was a student, so, I couldn't imagine there would be a problem now that I was on staff.

As soon as I handed over the check along with my driver's license, the look on the cashier's face just screamed there was going to be a problem. She looked at my I.D., she looked at me, she looked back at the I.D. and made a rather ridiculous face that quickly turned into the glowering smile of dismissal, which, by the way, all service industry types seem to come equipped with, and handed it all back to me along with a casual, "I'm sorry, sir. I'm not going to be able to help you." Noticing that there wasn't anyone behind me, she turned to go, leaving me with a dumbfounded look and a still uncashed check.

"Why?" I ask to the back of the cashier's head. It seems my driver's license had expired last month (I knew this, but didn't want to pay the $24 charge the local DMV was going to stiff me for until I had paycheck in hand) and bank policy is to refuse to cash all checks without identification. My driver's license, which was a month out of date, didn't qualify as "identification." They do it for security purposes she says, just to make sure that the person using the I.D. and the person on the card are one in the same.

Now, wait a minute, I argue, this is still clearly me. The picture here is the exact same fellow standing right in front of you. I haven't grown some big scruffy lumberjack beard (I couldn't if I wanted to), my hair is the exact same shade and my eyes are the same color. It's clear that it's me on the license. If the purpose of checking for identification is to only make sure that the person on the check, the person on the I.D. card and the person cashing the check are all one in the same, doesn't my out of date license serve it's purpose?

We go back and forth like this for about 10 minutes and the cashier is getting testy. She'd like to help me, but she just can't. There are rules and those rules have to be followed or people die. Okay, I added the last bit... By now a line is beginning to build up behind me and although the other tellers are handling the overflow, the bank is filling up and I don't expect it to be that way long. Sir, she says, you'll have to leave she says, there's nothing I can do for you, she says. Get me the branch manager, I say, our conversation is far from through.

Thankfully, the manager isn't a complete idiot. He tells the cashier that even though the identification is out of date, it still identifies me as "guthmund," which is the same name on the check. Sorry for the inconvenience, sir. We'll have someone get you your money.

I checked my watch after my little drama had unfolded and, sure enough the shoe store was closed. There would be no new sneakers for me. On the bright side, the cashier who did cash my check (not Smilin' Miss See-you-later) threw in a sucker. I don't know if she was surreptiously calling me a baby or felt that I need a bit of candy.

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