abaya

Hektore, I agree with a lot of what you said in your post. However, I take issue with the stuff that I am quoting above...

#1, I do not think that a relationship is "tempered" by temptation... at least not in the sense that hey, our relationship isn't worth much since we haven't tempted it much, so let's throw ourselves in the fire and see what happens! I think that if temptation comes naturally, then people have to deal with it, but I don't know if it necessarily makes the relationship stronger to just go willingly into a situation that would tempt anyone with reproductive organs and hormones. Rather, the whole discussion w/ktspktsp last week about this topic was what made us stronger, simply because we learned how to communicate and consider each other's feelings more... NOT because we put ourselves in harm's way and said "let's see how strong this is."

#2, I never enforced my will upon ktspktsp. I realize that he has a choice in everything, and so do I. I did not say "Don't go camping." The important thing for me was not to control his behavior, but to communicate my feelings about his decision and leave it at that. Once I knew that we understood each other properly (which took a couple days of very honest communication), I felt that I definitely trusted his decision and would be fine with whatever direction it went. Trust is built by the willingness to listen and consider feelings, not a categorical laying-down-the-law or "I'll do whatever the hell I want, thanks." Neither ktspktsp nor I wanted the latter.

Now, kangaeru... I also agree with some of your points, but your reasoning is misinformed and I disagree with your first two sentences quoted above. You don't know ktspktsp, and you are reading your own behavior into what he, a total stranger, would do. It is not in his character to bring booze or weed, nor to want to fuck like rabbits (at least with anyone other than me) ... I trust ktspktsp's intentions entirely.

It is the "long talks over marshmallows" stuff that I was wary about, and the history, yes... because those things build an emotional bond (esp. in the absence of the significant other) that is quite subtle and sneaks up on you when such bonding is repeated over and over, with even the most innocent of intentions. This is how affairs generally happen... it's not random strangers, but best friends of the opposite sex getting too close to one spouse or another, because emotional and physical boundaries were not drawn early enough.

Thank you for your concern. But I just wanted to clarify that I had a different worry; that it was not running off with a bottle of whiskey and bag of pot to fuck in the woods. Ktspktsp is just not the type.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran