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Old 05-29-2005, 01:32 PM   #60 (permalink)
kangaeru
Crazy
 
Location: on the road to where I want to be...
Annie,

Some guys are over possessive meatheads, but it sounds like yours is rare: an insecure, over possessive intellectual. If you want to make him see the light on this you are not going to convince him by talking about how he is hurting your feelings, because as far as he sees it, he is still right. All his logical patterns of thought are adding up, and for you to say, "please stop, that hurts my feelings" just proves to him that there is no sound argument against how he thinks. So, you've got to show him one.

First point you need address is quality, not quantity. He says because your number is between 7 and 11 that you're a skank, slut, etc. Have you explained to him that the guys you slept with aren't bad? That there is a difference between having sex, and making love? In today's age, women are realizing a a much greater degree of sexual independance. For him to claim that because you slept with over 7 guys, who sound to NOT to have been met-you-at-the-bar-never-saw-you-again one night stands, he has nothing to complain about.

His argument that people will repeat in the future what they have done in the past is complete bullshit. Sure, some people are idiots and make the same mistakes over and over. Most take an experience, learn from it, and mature. To say that because you slept with 7+ guys over the past 5 years, means that you would do it over the next 5 years, is a completely illogical argument. Has he ever thought that perhaps the fact that you slept with other guys with no real attachment has led you to the conclusion that there is more to great sex than just great sex--that to making amazing love to a person is better than having an amazing fuck with them?

Furthermore, you need to wake him the fuck up. He freaks out because you choose not to eat meat, thinking you're trying to impress a vegan friend? Ask him why he is so threatened by every single guy who lays eyes upon you. Ask him why he is so insecure with himself that he has to know everything about every guy you talk to. The fact of the matter is, he wants to be a control freak over this, and if he feels like hes not in charge of the situation and things are in your hands, he flips out. Well, part of relationships are trust. Why can't he trust that you're going to take care of the trust he's invested in you? Doesn't he realize how much you cherish that, and would never mishandle it? If he can't believe that, then how the hell can he say he's in love, and do all these things for you.

He needs to let go, plain and simple. The world is too big and people are too numerous for him to control every single guy that comes into your life, he's got to come to the realization that either he trusts you enough to be faithful to him, or he doesn't.

And just to play devil's advocate, what difference is there in sleeping with 3 people, or 7? They're both more than 1. If he says that it's because they were all steady relationships, ask him why that matters? It's called exploring your sexuality. There is a difference between looking to sex to make yourself feel fulfilled, and looking to explore who and what you're about when it comes to sex. Does he not see this distinction? How can he possibly argue that everyone who has had no strings attached sex with mature, still friends after the after partners, is a slut or whore?

He needs to get some self esteem in himself and who he is about, so he can stop worrying about a better guy coming along to steal his girl all the time. Ask him to take a hard look at himself, because these problems stem from his massive insecurity complex and need to control everything because of that.

Sit his bitch ass down homey.

good luck
kangaeru is offline  
 

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