^ Analog, I hope
everyone takes
every post on TFP with a grain of salt!
That said, your response felt abstract and aloof... maybe I read it wrong, but I wasn't sure what the purpose was behind your reply. There as no personal connection to who you are or what you struggle with. It's hard to know what you were trying to say unless you just say right out, "When I argue, this works, this doesn't..." That would help me understand where you're coming from a bit more.
The list wasn't meant to be universal... I just wanted to see how my internalized list compared with other couples on TFP. I don't think ANYone has a list printed on their refrigerator for reference!...
I certainly don't... but when I do cross these lines in my relationships, I sense that something has gone wrong, and I usually trace it back to violating one of these rules. So for me, I just wanted to verbalize them and see what others thought.
These "rules" (my own amalgamation, not taken from a therapy book) grew almost completely out of my own nasty experiences growing up in an extremely dysfunctional family... so I don't know if I am in any more "dire need" of a stepping stone than anyone else, but I know that no human being is a "natural" at being in a relationship... we ALL have to work on stuff. This list is one of my ways of working on that stuff... if it works for others, cool. If not, hey, this is TFP... feel free to ignore it and move on.