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Originally Posted by abaya
Also, I asked ktspktsp at one point, what if we were married in this situation? Would you still want to go? (This was a couple days ago, so he may have a different perspective now.) He said that if we were married, he hoped we'd trust each other even more than we do now, and that it wouldn't be an issue. I don't agree, but I was wondering what you guys thought. For me, the longer you know someone, the better you know what makes them tick, and what ticks them off!... and the better you learn how to honor and respect them. So I take the opposite view I guess (unless, of course, it becomes an open relationship.)
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First, whatever works for both of you and if you both agree on it, then more power to you
And you know i love ya both
However . . . wow . . . so interesting. I think if you were married . . . it would be even less appropriate. I was discussing this thread with my husband and his comment was "well, are they a committed couple? Are they thinking about marriage, if they are, then they need to act on behalf of that level of committment. Not like some casual couple." Now, he doesn't know you and ktspktsp like i see you, so that was his completely non-biased comment. If you were just a casual BF and GF . . . going off camping with another woman for your BF would be okay i guess. . . but sorta odd . . .
But if ktspktsp is going to be a committed individual to you, sleeping in the same tent with another woman, in the same BED with another women would just be inappropriate. . . It's not about Trust . . . at all, it's about having respect for your partner. It's about being appropriate, when you are committed . . . in our society, we all have boundaries that most everyone observes.
And why would ktspktsp even have the urge to share such an intimate setting with another woman?
My husband noted he wouldn't want too, it would be too wierd and he would feel like he was not being respectful of me.... Just because that would be blurrying the boundaries between him and his women friends and it would therefore be uncomfortable for him.
Where is this urge coming from? And doesn't the fact it's even making you a little uncomfortable (it would make ANY woman uncomfortable) just make him want to say right away . . . "it's not worth it."
And if he really wants to go camping . . . why not go with guy friends and her or just his guy friends... Seems like it's not about camping, but camping with her?? . . . why would he think just the two of them would be appropriate?? I could be slow on the uptake . . . I'm just really trying to understand where this is coming from
I'm just trying to understand where ktspktsp was coming from and understand why you are blaming yourself Abaya for 'holding him back' when every other woman i know would totally flip out and say 'no way in hell' in their BF or husband suggested something like camping with another woman.
Now, no need to get on the defense . . . i know that ktspktsp is a wonderful and respectful guy and how great you two are at communicating, i'm just trying to understand where you are coming from . . . and maybe i'm stuck in my perspective and you guys are the next evolution
Sweetpea