I remember when I was about 11, my mother told me to be careful of a specific knife in the kitchen.. although I understood it would '
cut' me and it would '
bleed' and it would '
hurt'.. I felt really compelled to cut myself because I wanted to
understand these things. What would the metal feel like, inside my skin? Then came the clean up...
Later, when I was around 16 or so, my parents said often, word for word, the same thing that maleficient's parents said. It was not because I was rebelling.. it was because I could not believe that every situation would be the same. What happened to them
may not be the same thing that will happen to me. There was room for something different.
I have no problem taking advice or other peoples experiences into account when I make decisions.. sometimes advice or the experience of another will change my perspective or attitude.. other times it wont. It depends on how
valid it is in regard to my situation.
When I came home (to my parents) with my daughter.. I was quick to tell them, "Hey, listen.. I'm going to do this differently than how you both did it with me.. because, well, hey.. we can all see that perhaps it didn't quite work...". They amazed me at how readily they watched, learned and adapted to the method I used with my daughter. They have told me since, in their eyes.. I have done a 'great job'. The main difference - not preaching or controlling, giving room for my daughter to experience some things and using guidance to learn other things. I always looked for how she felt about my interjecting, if I wanted to show her how to do something. I can't say that I experienced the terrible two's.. we had a pretty good time through her toddler years and still do to this day. I was extremely pig-headed when I was young.
I also feel my daughter has a good grasp on 'critical thinking'.
Another theory I have, is when we try to teach others by our experiences, it sort of makes the recipient reliant on having someone to turn to, it is easier for them to want advice and comfort, and they can become sort of lazy, unwilling or unable to develop critical thinking for themselves. Worst case scenario.. when or if anything goes wrong, you have someone else to blame. Responsibility for ones actions becomes a real fuzzy area here...
What I'm saying is, I think we need to both learn or experience on our own '
and' learn through the experiences of others. I do not think one is better than the other.