Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Wisdom: via personal experience/mistakes vs. imparted experience/mistakes

Cynthetiq · 05-24-2005, 12:16 PM

abaya and I have been talking about some very interesting human conditions below is the crosstalk from a different thread.

Quote:

Originally Posted by cynthetiq

Quote:

Originally Posted by abaya

He only wished, in a way, that instead of being told what to do by others, that he had experienced himself firsthand the "mistake" of going camping, and then decided on his own that it was a bad idea. I don't have an answer for this... it's fair enough, and I'm a learn-by-experience person too, but I also think it's even wiser to learn from others' mistakes and save yourself the heartache and stress from the aftereffect.

To me, that's what makes a person different from the crowd... they are smart enough to listen and learn from others, not to screw it up themselves the first time. It takes real humility to do that, and humility is something I put at the very top of my list of things that I find downright sexy.

I quoted the above part because I find that an interesting line that I tow as an older brother, mentor, model citizen.

There's a point in time where the rhetoric and verbiage of learning and wisdom giving stops and actions have to take place.

I wrestled with this most my life as my father put a large burden on my shoulders to be a good brother to my younger sister.

Some of what makes me more resilient than my sister is because I had to navigate and figure it out by myself without the benefit of any wisdom from others.

Quote:

Originally Posted by abaya

Interesting, Cyn. Does that mean you made a lot of mistakes?

And did you end up advising your sister a lot, and that's why she isn't as resilient as you are?

For me, I am an only child so I had no sibling advice, but my parents laid a pretty heavy burden on me to be a good kid and to make them (esp. my mom) happy. I may have rebelled very slightly when I went to grad school (finally!), but even then I reigned myself in after a short time and a huge mistake.

which is better: wisdom via experience/mistakes, or via someone else imparting their experience/mistakes to you, and you being smart enough to listen to them?

Did you have a mentor, person you looked up to, older sibling? Did you listen to their advices or just discount them as them not hearing you since you're "young"? Are you an only child?

I did not have any mentors growing up. I blazed my own trail at a young age, owning a business at 14 and moving out at 17. My father burdened me with a few governing values that weighed on my shoulders.

First, be a good brother and give your sister as much guidance as possible.

Second, before you act, ask yourself, do you want your sister doing this same thing?

abaya, yes, I think it made my sister softer and less resilient in many ways. When she got married, I said to her that I had nothing to offer in ways of guidance for being married and that the roles will be reversed in the future for some things. Before I got married I asked her for guidance and wisdom.