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ktspktsp · 05-23-2005, 05:21 PM

Hi all,

Thanks for the valuable input. Abaya described the situation pretty accurately.

To clarify something, the issue here (I believe) is not that Abaya doubts my intentions, but that she's afraid of me gradually slipping into liking someone else.

I understand the issues she has with this.. But it makes me feel constrained, and frankly, not so trusted. I have trust in my feelings, though I know I'm human and no one is flawless. I'm also in my first and only relationship, so it is true that I'm not as "tested" by this stuff as I could be. But.. should all situations where there could be temptations be avoided? I don't have a definite answer to that question. But somehow having to downgrade friendships, for instance, doesn't feel like the right answer to me. And being sheltered from 'threats' makes me doubt the strength of the relationship.

But in all this though, I am committed to Abaya.

chickentribs, you do raise a good point. I guess part of my desire to tell our friend the facts is, aside from my dislike of lying, also due to some passive-agressiveness on the issue. I've decided that I will tell her that it's "our" decision if I have to do so. Since I would not go on with this if Abaya didn't feel OK with it.

I also don't feel like going on this trip with her anymore if no one else comes.. I would feel that Abaya is stressed all during that weekend (even if she decides she's OK with it), and I don't want that. In turn, I wouldn't enjoy the trip either because of this. The whole trip would become just weird to me.

05-23-2005, 05:21 PM	#24 (permalink)
ktspktsp Addict Location: Reykjavik, Iceland	Hi all, Thanks for the valuable input. Abaya described the situation pretty accurately. To clarify something, the issue here (I believe) is not that Abaya doubts my intentions, but that she's afraid of me gradually slipping into liking someone else. I understand the issues she has with this.. But it makes me feel constrained, and frankly, not so trusted. I have trust in my feelings, though I know I'm human and no one is flawless. I'm also in my first and only relationship, so it is true that I'm not as "tested" by this stuff as I could be. But.. should all situations where there could be temptations be avoided? I don't have a definite answer to that question. But somehow having to downgrade friendships, for instance, doesn't feel like the right answer to me. And being sheltered from 'threats' makes me doubt the strength of the relationship. But in all this though, I am committed to Abaya. chickentribs, you do raise a good point. I guess part of my desire to tell our friend the facts is, aside from my dislike of lying, also due to some passive-agressiveness on the issue. I've decided that I will tell her that it's "our" decision if I have to do so. Since I would not go on with this if Abaya didn't feel OK with it. I also don't feel like going on this trip with her anymore if no one else comes.. I would feel that Abaya is stressed all during that weekend (even if she decides she's OK with it), and I don't want that. In turn, I wouldn't enjoy the trip either because of this. The whole trip would become just weird to me.