abaya

This is pretty much the conclusion I've come to (also after talking w/my dad before coming back to read all these replies; thank you, all!!!). The only issue is, it may not be a one-time thing... I will be gone for 2.5 months, and my bf plans to go camping more (I encouraged him to do so, but did not know he offered to go with our female friend over the summer... it hadn't even entered my head, since I always assumed he'd go with a group, or at least with another guy).

So it may be something that happens more times... and that is where some of my fear comes from. I trust him enough about not doing something major (fooling around or something)... but for me, yes, sharing a tent and especially a mattress IS INTIMATE, I don't care if you're doing it with Mother Teresa. And to me you cannot help but become more intimate, even just emotionally, with someone that you do this with. So I don't fear something huge happening, but I fear the emotional bond that may develop in my absence, esp. if this happens many times over the summer. And my fear is not irrational, because I've seen it happen so many times (even in myself), so I have solid data to back up my gut feelings. That's why I don't put myself in those situations anymore, and that's why most of you guys have learned to not put the fox in the chicken house, so to speak. Does that mean I sacrifice some of my fun because of a relationship? Well, yeah. And I don't resent the other person, either... to me it's not a control issue, it's a respect and honoring of the relationship issue.

My dad was really helpful here. My dad has major resentment of my mother for trying to control him, and that's a red-button issue for me to avoid... I will not control ktspktsp, no matter what. My dad also said that in his 20s he made a lot of careless, naive mistakes that cost him relationships with women... because he thought he knew better and that he was less human than he actually was. My dad says now that there is no way in hell he would go camping with another woman while dating someone else, even if it was the most innocent thing in the world... he called it playing with fire. So basically, even though my dad resented my mom for her trust issues, he is backing me up on this one.

On the other hand, my dad and I agree that I have no control here, and I cannot assume any. I have to let go and just TRUST, because to do anything else would create resentment and greater issues. I have told ktspktsp how I feel, in great depth, and I know that's not gonna change anytime soon (even if I try to make it change)... it's too deeply-rooted.

However, I do not want to lay a guilt trip on him that makes him not go because of that. I want him to decide what he'll decide, and it's my (and our) responsibility to deal with afterwards. I trust him to be honest with me, no matter what (about physical and/or emotional boundary-crossing), and that's what it comes down to. Our relationship is built on honesty and communication, and I want that to continue regardless of circumstances that may test us.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran