Quote:
|
Originally Posted by abaya
Well, I can speak to this since I mentioned "selfish" in my post. I say that I'm too selfish to have kids, but I don't actually believe that it's a bad thing. I realized a while ago that there are both good and bad kinds of selfishness... and I think it took me a while to realize that being "good" selfish was okay.
For example, just taking time for myself, not having to always sacrifice for others or to feel guilty... because I value who I am and what I have to contribute, and I can't be those things if I don't take time to be on my own. So to me, that's "good" selfishness, and it's the same sort of thing I attach to being a parent (or not): for me, it's better to NOT be a parent, because I really am much happier not having that responsibility and burden of children weighing on me, and having the time to be close to a spouse and travel, volunteer, etc (like you, Sweetpea).
I guess when I said "selfish," I just meant that I like myself (and my relationship w/ktspktsp) too much to have kids, whom I see as taking away from who I am and what I love. I don't think this is a bad thing, though... at least I'm honest about it.
|
Abaya,
Wow, thank you for such a candid response. And you're right, being honest about one's feelings surrounding children is really important.
I've caught allot of negative responses from people in my life and even my own family . . . the normal response is
"GASP!!!!! ohmygod, why don't you want kids? You won't ever feel like woman not being a mom"
And YES, i've had people tell me exactly that. It's this idea that children complete the woman and somehow Solidify the couple . . turning them into a "FAMILY" . . .
my husband often tells them "I'm happy with just sweetpea, i don't need a child to make me feel like a family, we already are"
But i don't even think it is "selfish" to not want children . . . some people just aren't meant to have them and it's being honest and true to yourself to buck societal trends and go for what you want in life for yourself and your relationship with your spouse.
People often tell me . . . "if you have children, you'll be so much closer to your husband . . . much closer than you are now . . . you'll never get that level without having a family . . ."
And i call bullshit on that. If having children brings you closer . . . then why do so many ppl we know divorce shortly after having a family . . . so sure, it brings you closer together . . . but it also adds a huge amount of stress . . . the focus turns away from the married couple and onto the children . . . the whole concept we have now in our society where the lives revolve around is what turns me off.
Thanks again for your candid and valued comments Abaya.
Sweet Pea