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RE: me saying I'm chubby. I'm just being realisitc, here. I am confident. I just realize that I'm 20 lbs overweight, and there's nothing wrong with not being in denial about a wee weight problem. It's really not a self-esteem problem; it's more like, I have the best self-esteem I've ever had, but never hearing a positive word from my fiance is starting to chip away at this confidence.
It's not that I don't hear compliments, I promise. It's that he doesn't give them.
Before we were together, he'd say things like this about other girls (keep in mind,w e were close friends, so he talked to me like a friend would): "She's hot/She has the most amazing hair I've ever seen/I'd love to see her naked/She's hot. Hot hot hot/She's got a great ass/She's beautiful"
After we got together, he continued to dole out compliments such as "I love your hair this color/You have amazing eyes/Those pants are great/She has awesome clothes/She has awesome shoes" etc. One he actually said he would like to see a girl we know naked, and I was totally not impressed with that. Especially since my nakedness is met with deafening silence --- I have never heard one single positive word about my naked body from him.
There were also other things that fed into this, such as when we had to do a portrait assignment for one of our classes (yes, post secondary) and instead of using me as a subject --- I used him --- he chose one of the girls he was constantly complimenting (which, as far as I'm concerned, is a statement) and then spent hours editing the photos and using them in art. In the magazine he compiled for another class, he gave her a full page spread (including a suggestive photo of her licking the air), had numerous photos of scantily clad women, and my photo appeared nowhere.
Perhaps any one of these occurrences wouldn't mean much, but many of them, together, over time, that's gonna get on a girl's fucking nerves. There's more, but I just don't have the time to list every specific incident.
So no, he doesn't help in making me feel attractive. And that has nothing to do with my self-esteem; as my fiance, it's part of the job description to make me feel loved, and compliments are part of that. Especially when he's free and easy with them to everyone else.
And the flipside is, I comment on his appearance constantly, varying from you look really nice today to your cock is huge and awesome. I am totally in love with him, and he is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I always thought the reverse would be true. But it's not.
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